Classic Wit Enthusiast Prints

'You are Wenus, you know'

Don't swallow. I've lost a contact.

Wordplay: In The Bag.

"So what makes you think you're the man for the job?"

"Call this an iceberg? When I was a kid we wouldn't have called this an iceburg!"

"Your sense of humor has gone from dry to arid. . ."

"Yes, I've made three resolutions - not to drink less, not to stop watching football on telly and not to spend more time at your mother's."

'Time and tide wait for no woman..'

Stephen Fry.

Counsel's Opinion.

'He wanted to be remembered this way.'

'Huh, that Will Shakespeare, a man of few words.'

A lesson in wit

"Hey! I was trained in 1948 and was good enough for then, so it's good enough for now....whipper-snapper!"

Dante Alighieri

Gentleman discovering that his servants have been eating most of his good meat

'Now, Mrs Althorpe, if you think you see the man who assaulted you, we just want you to touch him on the shoulder.' (Mrs Althorpe beats a man up and then says she doesn't recognise any of them)

"Stimulating this area of the brain will enable the patient to think of all the clever things he wished he had said."

'Yeah, but tomorrow I'll be sober, and you'll still be a giraffe!'

'I'm still trying to build up a following here, but I'm huge in Lilliput.'

"I would have thought you'd be pleased."

G.K. Chesterton.

Sisyphus, 117 million years on

"I hope this isn't the start of an insensitive joke that was once considered funny."

Back Down

Strike A Balance

Jugular Vein

"What keeps me going? The tightening feeling in my chest that if I stop, I'll die."

'He may be loaded, Tammy, but he's still a dirt-eating worm.'

"At work, they call me benchmark."