Classic Stories Lover Gifts

"If she thinks I'm just gonna come running on home, wagging my tail behind me..."

'Br'er Fox said 'I'm going to throw you into the briar patch'...And Br'er Rabbit said, 'Please,please don't taser me!''

'Yes, all at once!'

Don Quixote

"That's her - that's the girl who broke into our house! But her hair was 'goldier'."

Falstaff

"Only one pailful? Did they have water restrictions like we do?"

'Ignore it! It's just some of the local kids trying to get in for free.'

'Come on Jill, they say the water's well good.'

Alice Through the Looking Glass - Alice Climbs Through The Mirror.

"Me Tarzan. You CGI."

Alice in Wonderland - The Pig Baby.

"Sorry kids, wrong house. This one is made of vegetables."

Alice in Wonderland: Alice and the Dodo.

'Not only didn't he turn into a prince, but he gave me these awful warts!'

William Tell

Mom dwarves.

(Mother Goose: playboy's Mirthful Master of the Macabre serves Up Some Strange Twists On a Clutch of Children's Classics.) "Is this supposed to be somebody's idea of a joke?"

'Tarzan of the Kangaroos'

"Long Johns Silver."

'Gretel, she's lying. It's not gluten free!'

"The forest has been cleared, Little Red Riding Hood has gone because her grandma is now buying her stuff online and you're asking me why I started drinking? Seriously?"

Three Little Pigs in a Cyclone

'Mirror mirror on the wall who's the fairest one of all considering her age?'

Updated Fairy Tales Cinderella. My lawyers won't let me do glass slippers anymore --- Too many liability issues.

"No, let down your hair!"

"Well, I just experienced my first misophoia trigger."

David Anderson vs. Goliath

'I know how you can get him to notice you.'

Peter

Frank and Ernest Updated Fairy Tales. Do you mean fair like "pretty" or fair like "evenhanded"?

Leon Uris.

'....And that wont wake me either.'

Goldilocks reads note from three bears: Gone for a walk in the woods. Your porridge is on the table.

'Take no notice, he was raided by wolves.'