City Dweller Seeking A Laugh Gifts

'Do you deal in red or blue chips?' 'Mostly brown.'

"Tight......this isn't tight...now a New York City apartment......that's tight."

"I thought they were cracking down on jaywalking."

A man sees Zeus throwing lightning bolts on the balcony of his apartment.

"After the drugstore, I need you to find fresh parmesan."

'Darn those neighbors. A cookie's missing.'

"This is all we have available. It has an accordian front door, a shelf, a phone, and a spectacular view."

'For Sale by Neighbor'

Sculptor explaining to tourist in Trafalgar Square that sculpture of pigeon is called 'Retribution - it actually doubles as a giant privy!'

'Hand me the 'desperates'.'

"Do you think those clams we ate were a little off?"

'You got much on at the moment?'; 'No, nothing really.' (Naked man)

"You know, crime doesn't pay... at least at your level."

'You can come back in, King Kong. The superintendent got the door open.'

'He's training for a career in law.'

The Last of the Passenger Pigeons

"May I recommend the pumpkin seeds to starts?"

"The best way of dispersing crowds in the inner city is to start handing out job applications!"

"Call a veterinary, chief. I think he's got a kidney infection..."

'This is the last time I'm walking the dog! Our neighbor told me if spot poops on his lawn again, he's going to rub MY nose in it!'

"Goddam Dogs."

'I told you it was a stupid idea getting a pet lemming.'

Cook complaining to milkman

Manhole Warning

"O.K., O.K., let's take the F.D.R."

'Look closely. Do you see the one who stole your identity?'

Where did birds rest before utility wires?

'Pssst...wanna buy some tabs?' (Launderette)

Beggar with a sign that reads 'Need a rare 1905 Buffalo nickel to complete my collection- thanks!'

"So we're agreed. You get everything south of 59th. We get the rest. Capice?"

The Quack Quack Diaries: Quack Quack Gets A Job

Laugh and the World Laughs with You, but Not on the I.R.T.

"It gets a lot of refracted light."

Chugger

Sign on sidewalk: 'Please direct your feet to the sunny side of the street...'