Church Offering Gifts

'Billy, you're embarrassing us. Please stop saying 'ka-ching, ka-ching'.'

It soon became apparent that the vicar was an undercover journalist.

Priest's 'To do' list.

'Due to the poor response to the roof repair fund we cannot afford to lift the rafters when rejoicing in song.'

"Trust me Jesus, if you want to make a bigger impact work on being seeker friendly."

Bless me father, for I have sinned...my brother did it.'

He avoids wrath, envy, lust, greed, gluttony and sloth -- the problem is he's proud of it!

"We should start a church where we only read the parts of the bible that are never read in church."

'You'll never believe this - they've found the actual body of Jesus!'

"You seem troubled, Pastor. Is anything worrying you...I mean aside from the sins of the world, the vanity of humankind, man's inhumanity to man..."

'So it's with a heavy heart that I leave you good people of St. Paul's and accept the calling to be minister at the Sunnydell Nudist Colony...'

'What he said about judgement day is scary. Maybe we should find a good lawyer.'

"Whose idea was it to start with the Hallelujah chorus?"

Teaching a Sunday school class didn't end the way John imagined.

Lady about the cross: 'Now that all of us have trusted Christ, this is our family tree.'

'I've got two tickets to Handel's Messiah -- What time do you get off work?'

"Reverend, I recommend you turn the other cheek."

Priest

"...and I, Pastor Smith...preaching to you now from this pulpit, speak to you from experience about the 'strong-willed' child...BELIEVE me!"

Revival Meeting - Simultaneous translation of all talking in tongues.

'I'm told you've been born again, again and again. . . ?'

"...and for today only, you'll get 10% off all tithing!"

"Freshly ground pepper?"

'God's forgiveness of sins ... is that like a spiritual bailout program?'

"I'm getting red fruits, earth tones, and oak. Amen."

Monk Prompt

"Bible lessons are best taught in the context of faith. There's no need to add 'based on a true story.'"

'Let us pray...'

"Are there any here today who feel this union is not in the best interests of baseball?"

Dance of the Red (Papal) Shoes.

"Can the folks in the nose-bleed section hear me alright?!"

"That's our new church mascot."

'It's good to see you, Mr. McWit, but you do realize that today is neither Christmas or Easter?'

We're willing to flee temptation, if we can leave a forwarding address.

Clown Ministry Baptism Today