Church Offering Pillows

'Billy, you're embarrassing us. Please stop saying 'ka-ching, ka-ching'.'

It soon became apparent that the vicar was an undercover journalist.

Priest's 'To do' list.

"Trust me Jesus, if you want to make a bigger impact work on being seeker friendly."

'Due to the poor response to the roof repair fund we cannot afford to lift the rafters when rejoicing in song.'

"We should start a church where we only read the parts of the bible that are never read in church."

"You seem troubled, Pastor. Is anything worrying you...I mean aside from the sins of the world, the vanity of humankind, man's inhumanity to man..."

'You'll never believe this - they've found the actual body of Jesus!'

'So it's with a heavy heart that I leave you good people of St. Paul's and accept the calling to be minister at the Sunnydell Nudist Colony...'

'What he said about judgement day is scary. Maybe we should find a good lawyer.'

Teaching a Sunday school class didn't end the way John imagined.

"Whose idea was it to start with the Hallelujah chorus?"

Lady about the cross: 'Now that all of us have trusted Christ, this is our family tree.'

'I've got two tickets to Handel's Messiah -- What time do you get off work?'

'I'm told you've been born again, again and again. . . ?'

"...and I, Pastor Smith...preaching to you now from this pulpit, speak to you from experience about the 'strong-willed' child...BELIEVE me!"

Priest

"Reverend, I recommend you turn the other cheek."

"...and for today only, you'll get 10% off all tithing!"

Revival Meeting - Simultaneous translation of all talking in tongues.

"Freshly ground pepper?"

'God's forgiveness of sins ... is that like a spiritual bailout program?'

"I'm getting red fruits, earth tones, and oak. Amen."

Monk Prompt

"Can the folks in the nose-bleed section hear me alright?!"

'It's good to see you, Mr. McWit, but you do realize that today is neither Christmas or Easter?'

Verger Works

Dance of the Red (Papal) Shoes.

'Let us pray...'

Clown Ministry Baptism Today

"Life is very fragile so we should handle it with 'prayer'."

"That's our new church mascot."

"Bible lessons are best taught in the context of faith. There's no need to add 'based on a true story.'"