Church Donor Gifts

'Due to the poor response to the roof repair fund we cannot afford to lift the rafters when rejoicing in song.'

"I'm in nonprofit work for the money."

"That's our new church mascot."

'I'd like to leave my pacemaker to the medical institute, my artificial lung to the research center, my false teeth to the dental clinic, my dacron arteries...'

"Giving is down at the church, so we are charging an entrance fee."

"And the Lord said, 'You know, it takes a ton of money to run a place like this.'"

'And now, concerning the special collection...'

Church Restoration Fund.

Maple tree donating syrup at a syrup drive clinic.

'Sorry - I only donate big.'

Peace on Earth, Goodwill to the less fortunate...

Vicar prays for money for church repairs.

'Nobody's leaving till I get the offering plate back!'

"Relax, the vicar's surrounded the place with mouse traps."

When a teen finds out his parents are volunteering in the youth group.

"I don't think you're getting the point of this exercise."

Honey badger do care.

"Prayer does work! I wasn't picked for any of the church committees."

'Dear, it's called a collection plate, not a tip jar.'

"Okay, we've donated to the Food Bank, Feed the Hungry, Food for Life, Hunger Helpers, Starving World, Second Helpings. . . is anyone else getting hungry?"

The next step in human evolution was homophilanthropist.

'The problems with charities is that they are always needing donations.'

"Done saving the world for today."

Give To Tsunami's Victims.

'It was all she had to offer, vicar.'

'Thanks for the thought but we can't accept lottery tickets.'

"No, there is not an annual cap on tithes."

"I mistakenly stood in the doorway when kids sunday school released."

'Have you seen my amplifier.'

"The university is delighted with the endowment but is there any flexibility over calling it the 'who's the rich one now you toffee nosed bastards' wing?"

"We learned about the 10 commandments, but I bet my parents will add a few of there own!"

Half of those who made no donations last year 'do not trust charities'.

"It's a large gift - a very large gift. So the question is: do we rename ourselves 'Aunt Tilly's Frozen Fish University'?"