Church Of Scientology Gifts

'The church says the Earth is flat, but I know that it is round for I have seen the shadow on the Moon, and I have more faith in a shadow than in the Church.'

'Holy-Kanoly' makes his infamous 'Leap-of-Faith' jump.

'You'll never believe this - they've found the actual body of Jesus!'

"We should start a church where we only read the parts of the bible that are never read in church."

'So it's with a heavy heart that I leave you good people of St. Paul's and accept the calling to be minister at the Sunnydell Nudist Colony...'

'What he said about judgement day is scary. Maybe we should find a good lawyer.'

Lady about the cross: 'Now that all of us have trusted Christ, this is our family tree.'

"Reverend, I recommend you turn the other cheek."

"...and for today only, you'll get 10% off all tithing!"

"Freshly ground pepper?"

"We missed you at church Sunday."

Drive-thru Church

"Life is very fragile so we should handle it with 'prayer'."

'Let us pray...'

Clown Ministry Baptism Today

"Are there any here today who feel this union is not in the best interests of baseball?"

'It's good to see you, Mr. McWit, but you do realize that today is neither Christmas or Easter?'

"Call me 'pops' one more time and I'll lace 'ya one!"

Dance of the Red (Papal) Shoes.

"Mark, you have to stop calling John's gospel 'Fan Fiction.'"

'We're going to start this week's sermon with a review of the basics....'

'Don't believe everything you read in the papers!' (Vicar to lady reading the war cry).

Midwest Winter Items.

The Sleeping Congregation.

Sermon Applause.

"Nice to see you replenishing the font with holy water vicar."

Sunday 10 and 2: The Usual Superstitions.

"As a child of the pastor, did you stop and think that just because you can belch the books of the Bible, should you?"

The ten ammendments

Vicar wearing sunglasses.

'Haven't seen you in church lately John?'

United Church of OMG