Church Dinners Gifts

"In my experience the Baptist have the best potlucks."

Sure, he's a zombie but hey, it's nice to finally meet someone who is more interested in my brains than my body.

Life with a professional baseball catcher.

"Where do we put Desserts?"

"Everything taste so divinely artisanal."

"Sure - After the aggressive guys wear it all out!"

"Oh, mournful and terrible engine of horror and crime—of agony and of death, not asparagus again!"

'Can we sit in the balcony today? Huh? Can we?'

Waitress to church leader: 'It's your daily bread, Pastor. Remember? You ordered the prayer breakfast.'

Revival Meeting - Simultaneous translation of all talking in tongues.

Congratulations, dear! Your home cooked dinner was so good you'd think it was an expensive frozen entree!

Midwest Winter Items.

"If anyone wants me, Ms. Clark, I'll be down in the youth department."

"That sister of yours sure has some nerve asking for those leftovers - we earned them."

"It would be great if you could turn the smoke machine down a little during worship..."

'The braised toucan was fine...although I found the bill a little large.'

"Thank you. It wasn't too 'preachy', was it?"

BIBLE STORIES, 'This is full of battle and other BOY stuff - not a single romantic comedy!'

"Why do parishioners only eat half their donuts???" "Partial indulgence."

"Lumpy? Of course it's lumpy! Sweetbread soup is meant to be lumpy."

"Dad's dinner really is melt-in-your-mouth...it's half frozen!"

A woman in prayer

'But, apart from the pews, the sermon, the hymns, the coffee and, 'all that praying', you'd come again?'

'We thank you for this food and ask you to protect us from pesticides, additives and preservatives.'

'But why do we have to plough the fields and scatter when we get everything from Tesco?'

Next Sunday - Rap Mass! 'I thought we reached the limit when we had that jazz mass.'

'Thanks for inviting me to dinner - it's really great!'

'I really can't think of a thing to preach about this morning, so I'll take questions from the floor.'

"Wake up! Brother Billy's finished praying."

'Getting ready for the church chili supper is bad enough without you calling it the 'Pre-Tribulation'!'

Nativity - The sitcom

'This is for the V.A.T.- the Vicar's Autumn Treat!'

"...And please let at least one person admire my new hat!"

"Put on a tie. We've been invited to the castle."

'I lost the grocery list you gave me. So I brought home a few weeks supply of pizza.'