Church Dinners Mugs

"In my experience the Baptist have the best potlucks."

Sure, he's a zombie but hey, it's nice to finally meet someone who is more interested in my brains than my body.

Life with a professional baseball catcher.

"Where do we put Desserts?"

"Sure - After the aggressive guys wear it all out!"

"Everything taste so divinely artisanal."

"Oh, mournful and terrible engine of horror and crime—of agony and of death, not asparagus again!"

Revival Meeting - Simultaneous translation of all talking in tongues.

'Can we sit in the balcony today? Huh? Can we?'

Waitress to church leader: 'It's your daily bread, Pastor. Remember? You ordered the prayer breakfast.'

Congratulations, dear! Your home cooked dinner was so good you'd think it was an expensive frozen entree!

Midwest Winter Items.

"That sister of yours sure has some nerve asking for those leftovers - we earned them."

"It would be great if you could turn the smoke machine down a little during worship..."

'The braised toucan was fine...although I found the bill a little large.'

"If anyone wants me, Ms. Clark, I'll be down in the youth department."

"Thank you. It wasn't too 'preachy', was it?"

BIBLE STORIES, 'This is full of battle and other BOY stuff - not a single romantic comedy!'

A woman in prayer

"Lumpy? Of course it's lumpy! Sweetbread soup is meant to be lumpy."

"Dad's dinner really is melt-in-your-mouth...it's half frozen!"

'But, apart from the pews, the sermon, the hymns, the coffee and, 'all that praying', you'd come again?'

'But why do we have to plough the fields and scatter when we get everything from Tesco?'

'We thank you for this food and ask you to protect us from pesticides, additives and preservatives.'

Next Sunday - Rap Mass! 'I thought we reached the limit when we had that jazz mass.'

'Thanks for inviting me to dinner - it's really great!'

Nativity - The sitcom

"Put on a tie. We've been invited to the castle."

'This is for the V.A.T.- the Vicar's Autumn Treat!'

'I really can't think of a thing to preach about this morning, so I'll take questions from the floor.'

"Wake up! Brother Billy's finished praying."

'Getting ready for the church chili supper is bad enough without you calling it the 'Pre-Tribulation'!'

"...And please let at least one person admire my new hat!"

"Give us this day our daily bread..."

'Mom, I followed your time-honored legendary family recipe for Brussels Spout Bake with one exception - I substituted a pizza for the Brussels Sprouts.'