Church Comrade Gifts

'I go to St. Patrick's Church, I go to St. Patrick's School, and my name is Patrick. Is it also necessary for me to eat green food?'

'I couldn't stand the heat, so I got out of the kitchen.'

"Bad dog."

"Can the folks in the nose-bleed section hear me alright?!"

"We missed you at church Sunday."

"It would be great if you could turn the smoke machine down a little during worship..."

Midwest Winter Items.

'Ah, Gripes, you want to discuss a raise with me, eh? Come in, sit down, make yourself comfortable!'

'First semester, you learn the numbers. Second semester, you use them to count the days 'til school is out.'

'And now, concerning the special collection...'

Church Restoration Fund.

Cook and Octopus

'No, Mrs. Dudley! If there's a bone in a chair, that means it's reserved for Marmaduke!'

'How many times have I told you to stay out of the cemetery?'

'Getting ready for the church chili supper is bad enough without you calling it the 'Pre-Tribulation'!'

'This is for the V.A.T.- the Vicar's Autumn Treat!'

"I'm supposed to meet a minister and a priest here..."

"Talk long-term commitment to me."

"Can we discuss this?"

'We finally nailed down where our congregation's priorities lie!'

'Page 37 in your hymnals and selection #15 on your iPods.'

That's what I call a well trained dog!!

'So, after much wailing and gnashing of teeth, the financial report is approved.'

'He spent yesterday being briefed on the threats from a cyber attack...'

"Oh, great. The boss is in one of his enigmatic, 'Guess what I'm thinking' moods again."

'Quick! 'Tushy to the ground' stance!'

"We had 17 first time viewers on the live stream sermon today." (pastor talking to his wife)

'If you don't stop interrupting me with your phone calls, we're never going to finish our face to face meeting.'

"Say Jeeeeeez!"

"Mr Yomp is in a big hurry, so give him 'speedy runaround number 39'..."

"Of course I know Jim. We once built a time machine together. We go way back."

"Sure. Call me anytime. Call me for breakfast, call me for lunch, call me for dinner, call me...."

"There, that ought to hold you."

Dog, dressed as vet, is about to give cat lethal injection. Cat owner says: 'Terminal? I hope you don't mind if I get a second opinion.'

'I like you, you've got balls.'