Church Comrade Pillows

'I go to St. Patrick's Church, I go to St. Patrick's School, and my name is Patrick. Is it also necessary for me to eat green food?'

'I couldn't stand the heat, so I got out of the kitchen.'

"Bad dog."

"Can the folks in the nose-bleed section hear me alright?!"

"We missed you at church Sunday."

'Ah, Gripes, you want to discuss a raise with me, eh? Come in, sit down, make yourself comfortable!'

"It would be great if you could turn the smoke machine down a little during worship..."

Midwest Winter Items.

'First semester, you learn the numbers. Second semester, you use them to count the days 'til school is out.'

'And now, concerning the special collection...'

Church Restoration Fund.

'Getting ready for the church chili supper is bad enough without you calling it the 'Pre-Tribulation'!'

'This is for the V.A.T.- the Vicar's Autumn Treat!'

Cook and Octopus

'No, Mrs. Dudley! If there's a bone in a chair, that means it's reserved for Marmaduke!'

'How many times have I told you to stay out of the cemetery?'

"I'm supposed to meet a minister and a priest here..."

"Talk long-term commitment to me."

'We finally nailed down where our congregation's priorities lie!'

"Can we discuss this?"

That's what I call a well trained dog!!

'So, after much wailing and gnashing of teeth, the financial report is approved.'

'He spent yesterday being briefed on the threats from a cyber attack...'

"Oh, great. The boss is in one of his enigmatic, 'Guess what I'm thinking' moods again."

'Quick! 'Tushy to the ground' stance!'

'If you don't stop interrupting me with your phone calls, we're never going to finish our face to face meeting.'

"We had 17 first time viewers on the live stream sermon today." (pastor talking to his wife)

"Say Jeeeeeez!"

"Of course I know Jim. We once built a time machine together. We go way back."

Dog, dressed as vet, is about to give cat lethal injection. Cat owner says: 'Terminal? I hope you don't mind if I get a second opinion.'

'We're like the canine unit, only tougher. Instead of dogs we use big, bad wolves.'

"Of course I would love to host a spa day for all pastor's wives."

"Sure. Call me anytime. Call me for breakfast, call me for lunch, call me for dinner, call me...."

'Would you like me to check your coat?'