Church Friend Pillows

Bored-again Christians.

Church Social. It's nice they're serving appetizers this week! A wing and a prayer!

"As a single young male at this church I am uncomfortable being constantly evaluated for marriage potential."

"Being the rookie on the offering team. Bill was assigned to count the coins."

"Trust me Jesus, if you want to make a bigger impact work on being seeker friendly."

'I go to St. Patrick's Church, I go to St. Patrick's School, and my name is Patrick. Is it also necessary for me to eat green food?'

"...and I, Pastor Smith...preaching to you now from this pulpit, speak to you from experience about the 'strong-willed' child...BELIEVE me!"

"We missed you at church Sunday."

"Can the folks in the nose-bleed section hear me alright?!"

"That's our new church mascot."

"Giving is down at the church, so we are charging an entrance fee."

'No, I will not entertain a motion to suspend the rules!'

"It would be great if you could turn the smoke machine down a little during worship..."

Jesus is Scourged (The Holy Bible).

R.C.I.A.

God is for life not just for Christmas.

'Details of the summer fete can be found on our website. The address is on the notice board at the back of the church.'

"Pastor Bob is the leader of the flock, son, not the herd."

"Since you're into burnt offerings you should come over some Sunday for one of her special dinners."

"Why do parishioners only eat half their donuts???" "Partial indulgence."

'And now, concerning the special collection...'

First Church - New Policy: To avoid lawsuits, Rev. Loomis' sermons no longer mention sinners by name.

Angry vicar wakes up parishioner at the Harvest Festival

"10,000 members or not, the Pastor should at least remember my name."

"Attendance is down again this morning. If we want to continue calling ourselves a congregation, we're going to have to congregate."

Vicar prays for money for church repairs.

'Getting ready for the church chili supper is bad enough without you calling it the 'Pre-Tribulation'!'

Interfaith dialogue

Nativity - The sitcom

'This is for the V.A.T.- the Vicar's Autumn Treat!'

'Our worship space is quite large, Roger, but sanctuary committee will do nicely.'

'We beseech thee oh Lord, tweet us they word.'

Framed dollar in church secretary office says 'Our First Offering'

Churchwarden Talking to Rector

'My son was nailed to the cross and all I got was this lousy t-shirt.'