Chuckling At Dark Humor Gifts

'Good news and bad...good, we can use you as spare parts for other people...'

"Ooh, I must sit down - I'm dead on my feet!"

'You're overdue for your checkup.'

Men looking at black screen, "I call it film noir"

"...and the humans turned Neville into 80,000 toothpicks..."

'... And this is my cellar.'

Out To Lurch

"Nobody ever asked about my mental health."

Dead Funny

'Now they're just taking the piss.'

Another day at work would be one too many...

At home with the Bones...one skeleton yells at the dog chewing his leg, 'now cut that out!'

'You must be Jim's new gardener. I'm his neighbour, Gerald. Had any luck with the Petunias this year? Aren't those Jim's feet sticking out of the ornamental pond?'

'Alright, which one of you wise guys pulled the fire alarm?'

"Just give me your wallet. Trust me, you do not want to deal with my misplaced sense of entitlement."

'The world already ended, but the government hushed it up.'

"But he had a mask and I thought he was a burglar."

The practical psychopath

"In hindsight, we shouldn't have had him cremated."

"I can never remember - do these go in garbage or compost?"

End the Winter Blues

Man cutting hedge next to two heads impaled on sticks. Signs beneath say 'You missed a bit' and 'You can do mine next'.

Pastries and Candy

"Pardon me, Vito, but I'm holding the talking stick now."

"Where is everyone?" "You had 'everyone' killed." "Stalin family reunion"

"How about if we just winter in hell?"

"O.K., time's up. Pencils down."

Zombies.

"Puss in cement boots"

"Boy, this blooper reel from 'Manchester by the Sea' is a crack-up."

"The Eggsorcist"

"Where do you see yourself in 20 to 25 years?"

You're dead to me, Marsha. And that's just the way I like it."

Who gets the anti-corona vaccine?

"The boss likes people with strong convictions. You're hired."