Chucklesome Charmer Pillows

"I think Wendy likes me... she kept the spitwad I threw at her!"

Showbiz Awards

"Oh, I like coming to the dentists. It's the only place where people actually ask me to spit!"

Peter Pan, the Utensil that Never Grew Up

"Might I suggest something wicked for dessert?"

My diagnosis? Restless tongue syndrome.

'I don't think my homework is very good. My dog refused to eat it.'

"Ma'am, you don't have an ant problem. They're coffee grounds."

'Do you come here often?'

"Come on dear. It's getting late, and you have to be up early to collect your pension."

I conduct comprehensive surveys - I ask my girlfriend.

"Is that neat whisky?"

'Here goes the second bottle of champagne... I think it would be fair of You to tell me what are my chances so I know whether to order another bottle or not...'

Sticking out tongue

A guy tries his luck at the water cooler.

Man visits palm reader with 'Doing Anything Tonight?' written on his hands.

Man carrying crates of eggs about to step on sleeping dog.

Ice skating

'I'm not sure I want to see you again, but just in case, I've backed you up on a flash drive.'

Footballer scores for the first time and wears T-Shirt reading: 'No longer a virgin.'

Having noticed a hot-looking security woman, Mort quickly penned a note and stuck it in his briefcase.

Rosie Cheeks

Hot pink (and purple) monkey love!

'Big Issue!'

"Your dump or mine..?"

'I promised my Dad I'd be home by ten but I didn't say if that was P.M. or A.M..'

Bank Checking Accounts. Yes, deposits are guaranteed, sir --- but withdrawals aren't.

'You know how they say, no matter how bad you got it, there's always someone worse off? Well I'm that someone.'

Snake Charmer

'I adore a man of many parts.'

'Look what I found, Dad - Can I keep her?'

'I suppose you want to be served.' - 'No, but I wouldn't mind being included in the conversation.'

'In the event you suffer from Montezuma's Revenge, there's a TV in every bathroom.'

'I never know what to do with my hooves at a party.'

"Do you play?"