Chucklesome Charmer Pillows

"I think Wendy likes me... she kept the spitwad I threw at her!"

Showbiz Awards

"Oh, I like coming to the dentists. It's the only place where people actually ask me to spit!"

Peter Pan, the Utensil that Never Grew Up

"Might I suggest something wicked for dessert?"

'I don't think my homework is very good. My dog refused to eat it.'

"Ma'am, you don't have an ant problem. They're coffee grounds."

'Do you come here often?'

"Come on dear. It's getting late, and you have to be up early to collect your pension."

'Here goes the second bottle of champagne... I think it would be fair of You to tell me what are my chances so I know whether to order another bottle or not...'

"Is that neat whisky?"

A guy tries his luck at the water cooler.

Man visits palm reader with 'Doing Anything Tonight?' written on his hands.

I conduct comprehensive surveys - I ask my girlfriend.

Sticking out tongue

Man carrying crates of eggs about to step on sleeping dog.

Ice skating

'I'm not sure I want to see you again, but just in case, I've backed you up on a flash drive.'

Hot pink (and purple) monkey love!

"Your dump or mine..?"

Footballer scores for the first time and wears T-Shirt reading: 'No longer a virgin.'

Rosie Cheeks

'I promised my Dad I'd be home by ten but I didn't say if that was P.M. or A.M..'

'I adore a man of many parts.'

Snake Charmer

'You know how they say, no matter how bad you got it, there's always someone worse off? Well I'm that someone.'

'Look what I found, Dad - Can I keep her?'

'I suppose you want to be served.' - 'No, but I wouldn't mind being included in the conversation.'

'I never know what to do with my hooves at a party.'

'In the event you suffer from Montezuma's Revenge, there's a TV in every bathroom.'

"Do you play?"

Clean Fill Wanted