Chronology Contemplator Gifts

'Have you noticed how our days are getting shorter.'

'Are you sure You can be objective? -After all, You did CREATE them.'

'Dad, do you you think there's s**t on other planets?'

"Of course, in cosmic years, we're still quite young."

"I'm 59 and they say I'm middle aged. Just how many people do you know who are 118?"

"Shall we put it in play?"

Coronavirus Debate

Lazy man contemplates the moment of creation.

"Helen, is it just the accountant in me, or am I sensing a tone of wistful melancholy and a bittersweet acceptance of the unfathomable mysteries of corporate life in those numbers?"

'We cut it into teensy-weensy squares.'

"Son when I'm gone, all this will be yours!"

'I just can't keep up with the conversations in deep space.'

Caterpillar Paranoia

'What I especially like about being a philosopher-scientist is that I don't have to get my hands dirty.'

'What? -- I send you all this great sunlight, and you waste it growing PROTOPLASM?'

Buffering

"While Covid is still our top story scientists remain focused on Earth's pending collision with Jupiter."

'Do you ever wonder about this whole 'money' thing?'

'Since the universe is rapidly expanding, there's a lot more that we have to worry about now.'

'We may think 2012 is over, but history books are full of things we thought were over.'

Apocalipsis

"Flat-earthers and round-earthers reach a compromise."

Man reading magazine: 'International Procrastinator.'

"This human experiment has gone on long enough. Give the hippos control."

"Totality was great, but now that it's over I'm like, 'What am I even doing?'"

At first she didn't want to live if it meant being attached to tubes. But before you knew it, they were getting along just fine.

'Hey, don't look at me -- I was AGAINST free will.'

"I wonder if there's life as we know it on other planets."

"Pay no attention. It's his way of telling us he needs a lot of space."

'Binary' monk demonstrates computer skills.

Coronavirus and family economy

"It makes a four star restaurant look pretty damn small and insignificant."

'Attaining harmony with the universe is a gradual process. You need to start with a cease-fire.'

A man with the world on his mind inspects the world

'The vasteness of the universe makes me feel so small and insignificant.'