Chronically Late Club Member Gifts

"I'd like to be on time for school but it makes the day too long!"

Late again.

"Sorry I'm late. Heavy traffic."

'I hate Mondays.'

Maybe we should stop calling it 'The Masters.'

Are you interested in UFOs? Advanced life forms? Free medical screenings? Alternative underwear? Snacks and refreshments? Non-sexual turtles? Reverse pound cake? Science? Join us.

Alfred Marquez, Probate Attorney - Heir club for men.

"You'll learn a lot at our book club...like how to read between the wines."

Niche Extracurriculars

Man walks into 'Watch your step' sign.

Men drinking

Pole Vaulting Club

Listen, just focus on making it to the sea – You can worry about what you'll do with the rest of your life later.

'It's a deal -- I'll introduce a bill to bail out your country club, and you'll introduce a bill to bail out my country club!'

I'm warning you. My nosy parents are chaperoning. It'll be fine. Eco Club Dance. All they want to do is spy on me. You're safe. You think? Is that Twig? I forgot my night-vision goggles.

'Boy Scouts aren't ANY kind of terrorists!'

"You're a lying, cheating, son-of-a-bitch. You'll do well down here."

"Rex hates getting up in the mornings."

Red Hat Society.

'As President of the Annoying Saying Society, just let me say,,,,,enjoy,'

Hello, auto club? I have an emergency. What's happened, sir? Ever since I upgraded to iOS 8, my iPhone hasn't been syncing with my car stereo over bluetooth. I don't feel comfortable driving without being able to hear my "driving" playlist. How long till you get here? Sir, we're going to have to revoke your membership.

"That's right, Mr. Jenkins, we rejected your membership application because you wrote your name on it..."

"Sorry I'm late, but I was somewhere else."

'I read the Club's constitution and then realized I did fit the entry criteria, so I decided to join...'

'He's the only one we could get to be master of ceremonies.'

'It suprises me you want your files organized.

"Rule one of Fart Club is everyone follows through in this Fart Club."

"Welcome, comadres, to this first meeting of the Very Wise Latina League!"

This club is for members only

My latest invention is genius. It's an affinity card for our best customers. That's not a new idea. Airlines, rental car agencies, hotels … They all have loyalty programs where you can earn discounts and special treatment. Spare me. Ours has a way better name: The Cafe Exclusive VIP Premier Executive Best Customer Reward Program. And we don't trouble customers with confusing discounts and benefits. All hail the VIP premier cheapskate.

"Sorry I'm late, I was asleep when my alarm went off."

'What'd I miss?'

The clock for people who have no idea when they will be there.

"I was thinking we could settle down. And when the time comes, two to seven days in the spring. When your only actually fertile for twenty fourt to thirty six hours, we could try and start a family."

Tom's car was a dump, but at least he recycled.