Chronic Patient Club Gifts

"There's been nothing wrong with me lately and that's got me worried."

Virtual Doctor

'Your blood Sugar is very high.'

"You'll have to take this medication for the rest of your life, but don't worry it's non-addictive."

'Please don't interupt-we've only got 45 minutes.'

'I'm the doctor - I'll decide what's chronic!'

"Instead of days, my pill organizer is divided into months."

'There's no cure, but the good news is we have some great support groups!'

HEALTH CLUB, 'It's just a bunch of guys sitting around eating breakfast cereal.'

'It's the paperwork you need to fill out to show that we're focussing on patients needs.'

'How much have you lost so far?', '$375.00'

"The doctors call it Polymyositis, but I call it 'Military Arthritis' because it comes with a lot of fatigue."

"I see that there's an excellent sale on diddly-squat at the Zilchtown Mall in Nowheresville, New Jersey."

National Asthma Society Parade

'How much have you lost so far?', '$375.00'

"I was just surprised you put the word 'marriage' next to the question asking if you suffered from a chronic condition."

Doctor's Office. I don't know which I hate more to hear him say --- "Learn to live with it" or "Learn to live without it."

You DID hit a nerve, doctor!'

High cost of prescription drugs.

"His knee is very painful for me to keep hearing about."

"Yeah, it's not cheap. But Big Pharma's depending on you."

"You're responding beautifully. Let's go ahead and see what happens if we increase your deductible."

"Please, Doc - nothing too aggressive. I'm kind of attached to my symptoms."

"You know those eyeballl rotations you do to relieve computer eye-strain...don't do them in front of customers"

"I'm at the pharmacy so often all that's missing is a TV, Lay-Z-Boy, and bag of Cheetos."

"I used to be a physician, but after being sued for malpractice I realized I was in the wrong profession!"

"Sweetie you forgot your prozac, paxil and xanax..."

"On a scale of 1 to 10, how painful is this wait time going to be?"

Sick again. Add that to your list!

She's just discovered her irritable bowel syndrome isn't caused by chocolate!

'The treatment for my migraines was working well until I had to deal with my insurance company about it.'

Med Alert: Heart Condition, Diabetes, BP/Sugar Meds, Cantankerous.

Headstone in cemetary says 'I told you I was sick!'

"I've got inflammatory bowel disease!"

'On your application it says you have narcolepsy. What is that?'