Chronic Illness Gifts

"The doctors call it Polymyositis, but I call it 'Military Arthritis' because it comes with a lot of fatigue."

'I'm the doctor - I'll decide what's chronic!'

'I really enjoyed my stay in the hospital - I never get served breakfast in bed at home.'

'Your blood Sugar is very high.'

"I hear he's taking an experimental drug called, 'It Ain't Over Till It's Over.'"

"Unfortunately there's no HMO for what you have"

'I thought it might help you get your mind off things. It's a story of hope and survival. Nothing at all like your story.'

"His wife and family will decide on the course of treatment, but, as his ex, feel free to open up a few old wounds."

Flo discovered that one of the perks of cancer was that even reluctant friends were willing to give her foot massages,

Flo figured that since she was using medical marijuana during chemo, she might as well go hippy retro.

'Please don't interupt-we've only got 45 minutes.'

"You'll have to take this medication for the rest of your life, but don't worry it's non-addictive."

'OK, how about something a little more upbeat?'

"Instead of days, my pill organizer is divided into months."

'You know the rules, Mr Dotterill - you're only allowed one visitor at a time.'

'If things don't go well, tell me you'll pull the plug. I want to know you'll be provided for.'

'I've done everything that medical science can do...now I suggest you sacrifice a goat to Nagoomba.'

"Could be worse..." "Could be worse..." "Could be worse..." "Could be... oh, never mind."

"The bad news is he only has two minutes to live, the good news is it's in football time.""

"I'm not sure the extent of it really comes across in a Zoom consultation, doctor."

'Now this quack wants me to see a specialist- what the hell is a PATHOLOGIST'

'Of course you can have a second opinion. Let's just hope he gets here in time.'

Alzheimer's Amusement Park

'If it has the word 'ectomy' after it, I've already had it.'

"We even tried a visit from a celebrity."

"Forget railway season tickets. Stick to day returns from now on."

'Very well, instead of the bible I'll read you Harry Potter but I am still standing behind the lectern.'

'I'm going to prescribe a new diabetic medication. It's a bit costly. I'll start you off with fifty dollars a week.'

Life and Death.

"Don't you think it's time to admit to yourself that this rash will not clear up on it's own."

"I was just surprised you put the word 'marriage' next to the question asking if you suffered from a chronic condition."

"He was a prolific writer who made a lot of mistakes and eventually lost his mind. It all sounds so pointless."

National Asthma Society Parade

"Will he ever be able to produce revenue again?"

'Let's see if he makes it through the night. Could you hold off updating his Facebook page until then?'