Chronic Illness Gifts

"The doctors call it Polymyositis, but I call it 'Military Arthritis' because it comes with a lot of fatigue."

'I'm the doctor - I'll decide what's chronic!'

'I really enjoyed my stay in the hospital - I never get served breakfast in bed at home.'

'Your blood Sugar is very high.'

"I hear he's taking an experimental drug called, 'It Ain't Over Till It's Over.'"

"Unfortunately there's no HMO for what you have"

'I thought it might help you get your mind off things. It's a story of hope and survival. Nothing at all like your story.'

"His wife and family will decide on the course of treatment, but, as his ex, feel free to open up a few old wounds."

Flo discovered that one of the perks of cancer was that even reluctant friends were willing to give her foot massages,

Flo figured that since she was using medical marijuana during chemo, she might as well go hippy retro.

"You'll have to take this medication for the rest of your life, but don't worry it's non-addictive."

'Please don't interupt-we've only got 45 minutes.'

'OK, how about something a little more upbeat?'

"Instead of days, my pill organizer is divided into months."

'You know the rules, Mr Dotterill - you're only allowed one visitor at a time.'

"Could be worse..." "Could be worse..." "Could be worse..." "Could be... oh, never mind."

'I've done everything that medical science can do...now I suggest you sacrifice a goat to Nagoomba.'

"I'm not sure the extent of it really comes across in a Zoom consultation, doctor."

'Now this quack wants me to see a specialist- what the hell is a PATHOLOGIST'

'Of course you can have a second opinion. Let's just hope he gets here in time.'

Alzheimer's Amusement Park

National Asthma Society Parade

"We even tried a visit from a celebrity."

'If it has the word 'ectomy' after it, I've already had it.'

"Forget railway season tickets. Stick to day returns from now on."

'I'm going to prescribe a new diabetic medication. It's a bit costly. I'll start you off with fifty dollars a week.'

"I was just surprised you put the word 'marriage' next to the question asking if you suffered from a chronic condition."

Life and Death.

"Don't you think it's time to admit to yourself that this rash will not clear up on it's own."

"Will he ever be able to produce revenue again?"

'If you're bored do some writing.You could start by writing your will.'

"We had a coolection for you at the office boss.. and.. er.."