Chronic Patient Gifts

"On a scale of 1 to 10, how painful is this wait time going to be?"

"I need to clone myself."

Cheer up-things aren't so bad.....

'Ten things you should be worried about.'

Barman indicates sick bucket, alongside usual ice bucket, saying to attractive woman: 'That's there in case you hear any particularly bad chat-up lines.'

"So what brings you in today?"

"But honey, I've spent my last 30 years pretending to look busy. I can't quit overnight."

"You'll have to take this medication for the rest of your life, but don't worry it's non-addictive."

'Please don't interupt-we've only got 45 minutes.'

'I'm the doctor - I'll decide what's chronic!'

"Instead of days, my pill organizer is divided into months."

"The doctors call it Polymyositis, but I call it 'Military Arthritis' because it comes with a lot of fatigue."

"My chronic condition has been pestering me every single day for the past six months. I'm a lifelong quitter so its persistence is troubling me."

"I see that there's an excellent sale on diddly-squat at the Zilchtown Mall in Nowheresville, New Jersey."

"I was just surprised you put the word 'marriage' next to the question asking if you suffered from a chronic condition."

'If it has the word 'ectomy' after it, I've already had it.'

'I'm going to prescribe a new diabetic medication. It's a bit costly. I'll start you off with fifty dollars a week.'

National Asthma Society Parade

'Oh no! Here comes our insurance guy! He's 3 minutes early for our appointment.'

'And I'm in constant contact with everyone involved every step of the way... Well, I left a message.'

Cream tea...without the cream,butter or jam and no milk with the tea!

Doctor's Office. I don't know which I hate more to hear him say --- "Learn to live with it" or "Learn to live without it."

"I don't feel so good, Tia Carmen."

'If you don't stop worrying...you're going to die.'

'Weight loss can cause liver damage...'

The reassurer: the magazine for chronic worriers

"What a day. The man I pass the buck to was off sick."

"His knee is very painful for me to keep hearing about."

High cost of prescription drugs.

"Please, Doc - nothing too aggressive. I'm kind of attached to my symptoms."

"You're responding beautifully. Let's go ahead and see what happens if we increase your deductible."

"I'm at the pharmacy so often all that's missing is a TV, Lay-Z-Boy, and bag of Cheetos."

'Wow, if peas in a pod can't get along, things are worse than I thought.'

"There's been nothing wrong with me lately and that's got me worried."

'I see you gave in to your secretary's request for a salary increase!'