Chronic Patient Gifts

"On a scale of 1 to 10, how painful is this wait time going to be?"

Cheer up-things aren't so bad.....

"So what brings you in today?"

'Ten things you should be worried about.'

Barman indicates sick bucket, alongside usual ice bucket, saying to attractive woman: 'That's there in case you hear any particularly bad chat-up lines.'

"But honey, I've spent my last 30 years pretending to look busy. I can't quit overnight."

"You'll have to take this medication for the rest of your life, but don't worry it's non-addictive."

'Please don't interupt-we've only got 45 minutes.'

"Instead of days, my pill organizer is divided into months."

'I'm the doctor - I'll decide what's chronic!'

"My chronic condition has been pestering me every single day for the past six months. I'm a lifelong quitter so its persistence is troubling me."

"I see that there's an excellent sale on diddly-squat at the Zilchtown Mall in Nowheresville, New Jersey."

"The doctors call it Polymyositis, but I call it 'Military Arthritis' because it comes with a lot of fatigue."

National Asthma Society Parade

'If it has the word 'ectomy' after it, I've already had it.'

"I was just surprised you put the word 'marriage' next to the question asking if you suffered from a chronic condition."

'I'm going to prescribe a new diabetic medication. It's a bit costly. I'll start you off with fifty dollars a week.'

'Oh no! Here comes our insurance guy! He's 3 minutes early for our appointment.'

'And I'm in constant contact with everyone involved every step of the way... Well, I left a message.'

'Weight loss can cause liver damage...'

"I don't feel so good, Tia Carmen."

Cream tea...without the cream,butter or jam and no milk with the tea!

'If you don't stop worrying...you're going to die.'

The reassurer: the magazine for chronic worriers

"What a day. The man I pass the buck to was off sick."

High cost of prescription drugs.

"His knee is very painful for me to keep hearing about."

"You're responding beautifully. Let's go ahead and see what happens if we increase your deductible."

"Please, Doc - nothing too aggressive. I'm kind of attached to my symptoms."

"I'm at the pharmacy so often all that's missing is a TV, Lay-Z-Boy, and bag of Cheetos."

"There's been nothing wrong with me lately and that's got me worried."

'I see you gave in to your secretary's request for a salary increase!'

Paranoids' Anonymous