Chrome-dome Comedian Gifts

"Ambitions... To have a bad hair day."

Project Length As Measured In Dog Years

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

"Again? This is the last time I'm letting you wear the pants with the little zipper."

Moses on the web

"It's made entirely out of rejected resumes."

"You're just the man we're looking for. Come around to this side of the desk, and I'll gather up my things and get the heck out of here."

Child laughs while making farting sound under arm. Dad says, 'Isn't it nice when they find something they're good at?

'Yes! The momentum's going to shift now. Our home fan is starting to make some noise!'

"I was going to play the Moonlight Sonata, but I forgot the key."

"Sorry, website closed for lunch."

"Hope you weren't planning on leaving early."

'Yes, we do have an incentive scheme.We call it 'continued employment'.'

"I feel like tearing of all your clothes and putting them in the washing machine."

'It could have been worse...she might have chosen banking.'

Newark by Night. A new Dutch restaurant just opened. What do you know about Dutch cuisine? Nothing. But I'm a big fan of the "Dutch Treat" concept.

"Are you willing to work the night shift?"

Fruit Fly Job Interviews

'But I think my strongest asset as an employee is my aversion to pretense, coupled with an unwavering commitment to a regular-guy persona!'

"Let's play make-believe. I'll diagnose you with a life-threatening illness, then cure you with a wonder-drug that turns out to be a placebo."

"If I had known this was such a great place to work I would have lied more on my resume."

"That explains all the cavities."

"I just tweeted a chirp."

"I didn't bring a resume. I brought coffee and donuts."

'Who stuck corks on all the cursors?'

"If I wanted your opinion I would have hauled you in for questioning."

"He can never take anything serious. Everything's a joke."

"My next witness is his Google Assistant."

"Where do you see yourself getting drunk in five years?"

Try again - Your password has to include barks, growls, whines and at least one yap.

"The Internet puts the world at your finger tips."

"Your resume looks good, but I'm not seeing any DNA data."

A musician bowing a tiny guitar

"Ahhh! Ha-ha! Exactly what I said when I was pulled over. Dipstick!"

"Well they are fake ducks, Honey, but not quite decoyish enough."