Christmas Stocking Stuffer Pillows

With a round little belly like a bowl of jalea, he struggled to squeeze down our old chiminea.

"Behold the secret to happiness."

Daughters on the beach

'I'd explain how the TV, VCR, DVD, surround sound home entertainment system works...but I don't know.'

"I always forget what an expert I am in curling."

"It's a 'Black eye friday'. I got it in a fight over a 56 inch TV."

"No matter what, sleep when the bay sleeps."

A couple looks at posters of Rio, Paris and Tokyo, all of which feature skyscrapers.

'We always like to give more bling for the buck.'

'Hang on a minute...'

Loopholes

"Ticket and passport, please."

'If executive bonuses are outlawed, only outlaws will have bonuses.'

When Tia Carmen says... "It's time to eat healthy!" it means... "I'm only using one stick of butter instead of three."

Mouse returns home from work.

"Goodnight Tommy, sleeptight, watch the millenium bugs don't bite."

"At this rate I'll be delivering all gift certificates, gift cards and I.O.U.s!"

Snake Charming

'Moses, you'd better be in that bathtub!!'

"I always know what Harry's going to say, and he always knows what I'm going to say, so, by and large, we just don't bother."

New Age Office Supplies Catalog.

Chicken Road Crossing

"It's kind of hard to know where these photos were taken: The backgrounds are very similar..."

S. S. All You Can Eat

"You can already make reservations and travel as soon as climate change has caused sea levels to rise!"

"To tourists this just looks like a pile of rotten and damaged grapes. But here at Trendy Vineyards, we look at it and see Special Select Reserve."

Cannibal recipes.

'This one has been banned in Benidorm.'

Christmas Cow.

"There's probably room for one more."

"He's made our of mud. Since it hasn't snowed, I had to improvise."

Ravens at Tower of London

'It's not that he eats between meals -- it's that his meals overlap.'

"Here's da problem, you folks thought you were booking a 'swim with the dolphins' tour... but in fact you pressed the 'sleep with the fishes' option."

"We are not buying a refrigerator with a learning curve."