Christmas Stocking Stuffer Gifts

With a round little belly like a bowl of jalea, he struggled to squeeze down our old chiminea.

"Behold the secret to happiness."

Daughters on the beach

'I'd explain how the TV, VCR, DVD, surround sound home entertainment system works...but I don't know.'

"I always forget what an expert I am in curling."

"It's a 'Black eye friday'. I got it in a fight over a 56 inch TV."

"No matter what, sleep when the bay sleeps."

A couple looks at posters of Rio, Paris and Tokyo, all of which feature skyscrapers.

'We always like to give more bling for the buck.'

'Hang on a minute...'

When Tia Carmen says... "It's time to eat healthy!" it means... "I'm only using one stick of butter instead of three."

Mouse returns home from work.

Loopholes

"Ticket and passport, please."

'If executive bonuses are outlawed, only outlaws will have bonuses.'

A centipede's Christmas stockings

Snake Charming

"At this rate I'll be delivering all gift certificates, gift cards and I.O.U.s!"

"Goodnight Tommy, sleeptight, watch the millenium bugs don't bite."

'Moses, you'd better be in that bathtub!!'

"I always know what Harry's going to say, and he always knows what I'm going to say, so, by and large, we just don't bother."

New Age Office Supplies Catalog.

"To tourists this just looks like a pile of rotten and damaged grapes. But here at Trendy Vineyards, we look at it and see Special Select Reserve."

Chicken Road Crossing

"You can already make reservations and travel as soon as climate change has caused sea levels to rise!"

Cannibal recipes.

S. S. All You Can Eat

"It's kind of hard to know where these photos were taken: The backgrounds are very similar..."

'This one has been banned in Benidorm.'

"There's probably room for one more."

"He's made our of mud. Since it hasn't snowed, I had to improvise."

Christmas Cow.

Ravens at Tower of London

'It's not that he eats between meals -- it's that his meals overlap.'

You are now entering the middle of nowhere