Christmas Snackers Pillows

"But if we add to Santa's cholesterol we could be ruining him for future generations."

'The school bus drove off without me. The driver said she couldn't allow one more peanut butter sandwich on her bus.'

"Someone’s in the kitchen. Did you lock up my kibble?"

"I'm afraid it's not cheese, it's 'cheese-like'."

"The bagels are better in New York."

'When the doctor told you to warm up before exercising, I don't think he meant with hot chocolate and hot cross buns.'

"I was going to share my cookies with teddy, but he's on a diet....so I had to eat them all."

Sinking Sand

Bedside Manna.

Turkey Sandwich anyone?

"I recommend the pimento loaf with pickle. It's bursting with umami."

"We grind our own catnip."

"I don't understand it - no matter how much I drink coffee, play on my phone, refresh my e-mail, look up things online, go to the kitchen for snacks, message my friends, scroll through Twitter, and play with the cats, I still can't get any writing done."

Flight Crew Holiday Treats

How farmers get away w/ eating crackers in bed

'Get the kind with the little marshmallows.'

Husband eats popcorn wife is stringing for Christmas tree.

"If you're as smart a refrigerator as they say you are, you'll keep your mouth shut about this."

Large man uses 'Fat Nav' to lead him to large Christmas pudding.

'Halloween, Thanksgiving, and at last it's really you...the Big Enchilada!'

'Tell me more about this strange man...'

When Mrs Murray said you should vary your diet I don't think she meant to just try all 16 flavours of POT NOODLES.

"You're not going to believe this -- they're making deep-fried manna."

'Where did you get the idea that crackers are a minimum daily requirement?'

"I see. And precisely what methods did you use to determine that my client was a 'bad boy'?"

'You know, hors d'oeuvres are completely lost on your side of the family.'

Two prisoners pull a Christmas cracker, the free gift is a hacksaw.

'Every crowd has a silver lining!'

Working from home.

"The face of the pear-shaped man reminded me of the mashed turnips that Aunt Mildred used to serve alongside the Thanksgiving turkey. As he got out of the strawberry-hued car, his immense fists looked like two slabs of slightly gnawed ham. He waddled over

"Have you ever thought about putting out, instead of pretzels, maybe peanuts?"

'Not eucalyptus leaves again!'

"Dad, what is a meal?"

A cow is for milking not just for Christmas!