Christmas Preparation Gifts

'Wow. .. The only way that could possibly get any worse, is if you put the wrapping paper inside the box.'

Santa Claus's wife beats the soot out of his beard.

"Should we send a card to that couple we met in Cornwall, in 1993?"

"I'm worried about Jimmy. He lacks social skills, craves approval, and is obsessed with repetitive tasks. We should take him to a doctor."

"If you want a special gift for Christmas you have to shop early."

Santa Claus's Mail

"Hawaii, where are you folks going?"

"First class, or with children?"

Woman dreaming about being on vacation.

"As you can see, I've alphabetized the items, presents owing if you will, so if you can digitally initial here, here, here, here and here and sign there. Thank you. See you December 24."

"Are we going for suntan, personal development or being the envy of our friends on Instagram?"

Fight or Flight

"Really! How many 'How to Survive the Festive Season' articles does one man need?"

Get your no-turkey recipes here! Eco club. Go veggie for T-day! No thanks! I like turkey, sausage, stuffing, creamed onions with bacon and mincemeat pie. I figured as much. How can you tell? Gut check. That's my gut reaction, too.

'You mean to tell me you forgot where you buried dinner?'

It's beginning to smell a lot like Christmas

"Two of every known creature on the planet and you forgot the pooper-scooper?"

"If your luggage is in your clothes it doesn't count!"

'I told him not to wear stretchy pants to dinner.'

'I hope you all like stuffing.'

"I hear you helped make the stuffing. I like raisins."

"I'll be there in three 'All Too Well's."

"When it comes to turkeys, Mom, you sure know your stuff-ing."

Santa's wash day.

Twas the week before Christmas and all thru the house

'Tom will coordinate our pre-holiday point-of-purchase displays and Mark will coordinate our post holiday point-of-return displays.'

'Ideally, I'd like a ticket to where ever my luggage is going.'

"This trip, we'd like to go everywhere our luggage goes."

"Wait a minute- these are just the ten commandments of perfect mashed potatoes."

Travel Agency: Pacific time cures all ills.

"The holiday roast has yams, petters, carrots, pumpkin, parsnips, and tomato. What shall we call it?"

'Let's open presents Christmas Eve AND morning. That way Christmas lasts for TWO days.'

Pre-Winter Ennui-'Hon, did you have the furnace checked?'

The other days of the year...

An office worker daydreams about a new poster.