Christmas Commentator Gifts

"I'm telling you, I don't like the looks of this one bit..."

'Looks like no Christmas bonus this year.'

'You know who's been naughty and who's been nice? -- you're not using DNA evidence, are you?'

'Where were the wise women?'

'That's right Bill, I caught the Gingerbread Man...'

It must be December again -- I just had a vision of sugarplums.

Hip hop Santa.

"Maybe this year..."

Papa, how come Rudolph has a red nose? Because he's a drunk, son. Plain and simple.

"Sharp shooter, huh? Well, I was attacked by an ax murderer!"

'What do you expect? A red bulb burned out, and you're free till Christmas.'

"Actually, Sally, my name isn't Mrs. Santa Claus... It's Barb. I'm not defined by my husband."

Your dad is a union man, isn't he?

A group of ladies fearful to leave their cab as the cabman has mistletoe on his hat

Santa's Second Stringers.

Ineffective Turkey Disguises

"Don't you love the smell of burning leather boots this time of year?"

'I'm not saying that global warming is a reality...'

Records Dept. Tell them I don't use my knowledge of who's naughty or nice to make political endorsements.

'Sorry Son, I might be the fastest animal on land, but I don't think I could catch the Gingerbread Man...'

'Big Issue!'

"I just keep getting this urge to say 'Bah Humbug'!"

"Y' know Sir - Red really is your colour..."

Santa's Nightmares

'Why miniature reindeer? Why not a flying dog-sled team?'

'Number two - can you say: 'Screw the milk and cookies...where's the VCR?' In a cheerful, jolly voice?'

'Moon Jumper One, you are entering restricted Christmas airspace. ABORT!;

Three Wise Women: 'Then at about six weeks or so you can probably expect a touch of colic...'

Santa emergency stop.

Free Chimney Cleaning.

Men/Women/Santa.

Santa picks out a suitable light bulb for Rudolph's nose.

'Hey Larry! Jim here! Haven't seen you since way last Christmas! How the heck are ya, dude?'

"Wow! My calculations show that on Christmas night, Santa Claus will visit 1 house every .83 seconds!"

Hand emerges from King Arthur's xmas pudding with a coin.