Christmas Comedy Lovers Pillows

"Try rolling on the ground! Roll around on the ground!"

"Looks like you're out of options, big man. Sure, I'll guide your sleigh tonight. Here's my price. Cash. And, by the way, we're leaving this out of the song."

Santa incorporates therapy into his repertoire.

Don't fly and text.

"Better keep the reindeer on the lawn. The roof's been covered with solar panels."

'Boy, you look like you were poured into that suit!'

Santa shaves

Reindeer Farts: 'Shouldn't have stopped for those chilli dogs.'

Santa: 8 Items or less

Melania's Christmas

"Christmas dinner is half price today, Sir. Chef forgot to wash his hands before stuffing the turkey."

Life is for the birds.

"Maybe the next one will be a singles cruise."

"They're wearing cameras. How humiliating."

'Wow, the field really is a frozen tundra!'

'Santa recalled thousands of toys ― he delivered them to kids who're in fact naughty.'

Naturally, Bob thought the midwife was for him.

Lesser known greek gods,

"We don't care about his nose. We won't let him play because he's not vaccinated and won't wear a mask!"

"I know we just met, but all I got is a twenty-four-hour pass!"

"Well, I had 'the talk' with him.

Christmas in the Fish Bowl

'Congratulations! You've just downloaded a baby boy.'

'What's the big deal about acid rain? Can't we just make alkaline rain to counteract it?'

Too much togetherness can lead to unexpected problems.

'Well,he certainly has his father's nose!'

"Move ten paces, turn, then fire. Ready?" "Dibs on the hat."

Same Day Delivery: "I wish!"

Romeo & Juliet & Ron

Is this your idea of a joke, Findlay...?

"As some of you may have guessed I got yesterday's sunburn factor wrong!"

'I'd like my £2.50 back'

"My dang neck is killin' me again." "That's because you left your dang hanger in your coat. Again."

"I have to rest. The 'check engine' light on my activity tracker just came on."

How Amazon was invented