Christianity Gifts

'In compliance with Federal full-disclosure laws, I'm required to tell you that I'm really not all that sure about some of this stuff.'

"Pray only for peace, love, strength and forgiveness. Never, ever spam the Lord."

"Since we now have a leaking roof problem, it might be a good time to schedule baptisms."

'Morning, Guys! Did someone say, 'Rise and shine'?

'But if He's omniscient, wouldn't praying just annoy him?'

'Have you ever heard the parable of the lawn left unmowed?'

'He only got this job because of who his dad is.'

Angry Joseph in school nativity play says to Innkeeper: 'No, we did not book online.'

"Still Undecided Political Blocs"

Three Wise Women: 'Then at about six weeks or so you can probably expect a touch of colic...'

The Miracle of Catching the Fishes (The Holy Bible).

'Ask Jesus to stop multiplying bread and fishes...it's the plates what we need now.'

Jesus Feeds the 5K

'I really can't think of a blessed thing to preach about this morning, so I'll entertain questions from the floor.'

'I'm an extremist Christian.'

"Do I have one too?"

'A tithe is defined as a tenth of your income, Mr. Talmadge -- not ten percent of whatever you happen to have in your pocket on Sunday morning!'

'Are you sure we should do all this praying on Sunday? -- I thought it was God's day off.'

"To increase attendance, I've decided to make every Sunday Easter Sunday."

Jesus- his final words.

Error 404: the saviour you're looking for has been removed.

Jeff gives it up for Lent.

'To balance last week's twenty-six point sermon, this morning's message will be pointless.'

The Last Supper or the First Easter?

"I couldn't decide what to give up for Lent, so I gave it all up."

Baby on Board

Giving Things Up For Lent.

Jesus really does save.

Jesus: the childhood years.

"And God bless Mr. Chu's Szechuan Palace."

"I'm really excited about this opportunity, but I'm hoping there's room to negotiate the title? What about 'Rises-to-the-Occasions-Mary?', or 'Cool-Under-Pressure-Mary?'

'But why do we have to plough the fields and scatter when we get everything from Tesco?'

Bored-again Christians.

"I have a new app that tracks my sin-to-repent ratio."

Hot cross buns