Chores Comedian Gifts

Fish living in a washing machine.

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

"It's made entirely out of rejected resumes."

"You're just the man we're looking for. Come around to this side of the desk, and I'll gather up my things and get the heck out of here."

"Please! No harmonizing during ululations!"

"Hope you weren't planning on leaving early."

'Darn those neighbors. A cookie's missing.'

'Yes, we do have an incentive scheme.We call it 'continued employment'.'

"I feel like tearing of all your clothes and putting them in the washing machine."

'It could have been worse...she might have chosen banking.'

"Are you willing to work the night shift?"

Fruit Fly Job Interviews

"If I had known this was such a great place to work I would have lied more on my resume."

"Why can’t this count as ‘date night’?"

'For Sale by Neighbor'

"I didn't bring a resume. I brought coffee and donuts."

"Good luck, Sanders. We're sure going to miss that little imitation you do of me at office parties."

"Where do you see yourself getting drunk in five years?"

"Can I have another free biscuit for my dog?" "Sure." "Can you warm this one up? Maybe sprinkle some cinnamon and sugar on it, and maybe make it three biscuits?" "You sure this is for your dog?" "Can you also sprinkle a little turkey on it?"

"Your resume looks good, but I'm not seeing any DNA data."

A musician bowing a tiny guitar

NOW HIRING, 'I don't have any formal training for the position, but I've read all the relevant Wikipedia articles.'

'In the middle of the second movement, Rodney's worst fears were realized; Phillippe began to sing along.'

'My next song is a little ditty about why I don't have any references,'

'I went into hunting and gathering. And you?'

'My next song is a little ditty about why I don't have any references,'

"You're not giving me the job because I'm 'over qualified'? Oh, don't worry, most of those qualifications have been falsified."

'Hello, my name is Death'

Open entrance door to find exit door directly behind it.

Lion Choir.

"Where do you see yourself after 5 beers?"

'Those two alone should ensure I become a wealthy lawyer.'

'I will now play a selection of digital audio files I downloaded today.'

'Your standardized test scores are impressive, but we have no standardized jobs.'

The Job Interview