Cholesterol Critics Gifts

'Go to the butcher and have him send the large goose which has enough cholesterol to do them all in,to the Cratchits.'

Even good cholesterol can develop an unhealthy sports addiction...

'Say low-cholesterol dairy-free alternative to cheese!'

"I'm putting you on a beef diet. Nothing beef for breakfast, nothing beef for lunch, nothing beef for tea, nothing beef for..."

"Look out, Luke Grasswalker! Irascibility leads to the dark side of the force. . . right into a hamburger bun."

'Waiter, I think my wife's calamari is underdone.'

'Come on, eat your spinach.' -' Sorry, I'm on a special diet...No toxic waste.'

'I just evolved the opposable thumb, and I've already got carpal-tunnel syndrome!'

Good Cholesterol.

'I'm death for goodness sake - why do I have to adopt a more healthy lifestyle?'

'You are talking about health? Ha! My cig does not have calories, fat, cholesterol, carbohydrates and sugar!'

What goes up must come down, except for your cholesterol, apparently.

"Everywhere you look, there's a rate hike."

"Stuffing your face while watching TV does cause obesity."

Good egg, bad egg.

'Well, kids, I guess it all started with decaffeinated coffee....'

"The Garlic Escargot Velouté...would you like that in the traditional tureen, or supersized in a bucket?"

'Bananas! Once you've skinned them and removed the bone, there's nothing left.'

"Who gets the Chateaubriand with the mail-in rebate?"

'I like this new alcohol labelling.'

'We believe it was at THIS point that the species became extinct.'

'If I'm reading this chart correctly, your LDL is ranch dressing'.

'You're too fussy - the coffee isn't THAT bad!'

'If only you would let me cover this Tofu-vegetables stuff with ketchup, it would at least LOOK like real food...'

Fresh Fish

Health Foods

Maybe you would have less of a problem with flies in your soup if you didn't have landing strips attached to your bowls.

And this is one we made earlier.

"IT's a radical new diet I'm developing. I knock out all your teeth so you can't eat and therefore you lose weight."

"I can grant you any wish you desire except for making sure the ice cream machine always works at McDonald's."

'Now that's more like it.'

Zombie Fad Diets. Are you sure fish is brain food!

"Your cholesterol level is through the roof!! When you die, may I hang you up in my garden for the blue tits..?"

I see you. I deny everything. I have PROOF that in order to keep your patrons coming back, you've quintupled the amount of caffeine in everything you sell. I SAID KEEP THOSE STRAWBERRY SHORTCAKES COMING!!! Anecdotal evidence is not the same thing as "proof." I see you.

More New Cereals For Kids