Chirpy Vocalist T-Shirts

"Don't worry, our new hearing aids are very good, and you'll be able to teach her how to sing pitch-perfect..."

Anna Calvi

Birds reading over woman's shoulder

"Do you think the birds like me?"

'Your tweets have quite a following.'

Rock On

Red hot little combo

Ornithologist

'I recorded this earlier today. . . they're his first intelligent words!'

"This next song is about narrow-minded record executives and their reluctance to take a chance on anything a bit different."

"This next song is also about air-conditioning."

"They'd sold out of #1's."

The Dancing Academy

Fuzz - the bass player auditions.

"Very good, everyone. . . except I head that scream again. Ok, let's try it again from the top."

"Here's another one about Teddy bears."

'My next song is a little ditty about why I don't have any references,'

Tom Mullica.

'I know it's all the rage with jazz musicians and pop singers, Twiddlecock - but choristers?'

'You know, I almost envy you sometimes.'

"I owe my success to him. I figured, if he can make it, so can I."

"Woke up this morning, forgot my apple id..."

'Oh, sow some interest! How many 8-year-olds can play the '1812' on a vacuum hose?'

Adult Magician

"Merry Christmas. You Cheerful, Chirpring, Cheeping, Tweeting, Tw*ttering, Twittering Tw*t!"

"No-chance the rapper"

Women's Rights Gone Amuck...

Sure you can twitter, but can you chirp, warble and trill?

"You got the chip shop gig, then?"

"I didn't send for a music teacher."

"Think about it. Have you ever seen an ugly cardinal—I mean, except at the Vatican?"

Alison Pill

"Why's it called a hymn and not a hyr?"

Man Puts on Rubber Gloves to Play Piano

'Honey, you're spoiling those birds!'