Chill Conqueror Gifts

"No, I'm not smoking e-cigarettes. This office is so cold, that's my breath!"

"Give a sh*t" "Don't give a sh*t"

What My Day Feels Like

Vending machine: NO stress, only 50 cents.

Keeping warm.

'You'll never believe the day I've had...'

Trays on desk read: In/Out/Lose in the Shuffle.

A guide to seasons in the North East

Finally! A cure for the common cold!

Born to be Mild.

'Are you kidding, Billy? We climbed all the way up Everest and you forgot the freaking sleds?!'

Yoga To-Do

"Billy's room gets cleaned for free! The cleaning service uses it to train employees how to clean a hazardous waste dump."

'There's an app you can program to delete your trash? I've had one for years called Dave.'

IN OUT UP DOWN AND ALL AROUND

In Tray, Out Tray, and Shredded Paper Tray

"Miss Jones! Clear my schedule until I get this sorted out!"

"From the wind, the chill and the snow, a god is born."

College student cleans messy dorm room littered with clothes with leafsnow blower

"So I bought this doohickey that is very good with chaos."

"I'm going to be vacuuming, if you want to go into the farthest room and start asking me questions."

"Fish needs bigger hole."

'Hours out here in the freezing cold and not a deer in sight! That's it - I'm going home!'

"Sometimes Bob just needs a little motivation to get things done around here!"

"Stop! Information overload. I need to rebuffer."

'Since it's Mother's Day, we'd like you to take the day off.'

Running out of Gas.

"Ah! I see you've found a cold beer to your liking, sir."

"My name is Van Gelsing, Madame. I'm an expert in cleaning teenagers' rooms. If you need me, just give me a call, okay?"

The inevitable conflict of interest facing every crisis manager.

'You can't keep a middle school girl from wanting to impress boys, Valerie.'

"Men just won't leave me alone!"

Whack-A-Chore: "You play it all day, every day, until you can't anymore."

"Walking down here and asking if I can get you some more detergent from the store is just the beginning of my fence-mending agenda."

"No monsters under this bed! After I cleaned there's no room."