Children's Well-being Gifts

'If you think about it, would you give him a coffee with 17 spoonfuls of sugar in it?'

Taped off swings

"Her first word was 'paparazzi'. "

"I see that he is growing as fast as your law firm."

"Did I hear the dog in here?"

'Why don't they make thumb-flavored baby food?'

'Sometimes I worry that I basically wasted my 2's.'

“She’s in her abstract expressionism phase.”

"They grow up so fast."

Mozart's First Movement - Baby Mozart is sitting on the potty.

'From six to to eighteen, they're always at that age.'

"He likes it."

"She's been so creative lately."

T"ruly, Susan, I envy no man."

'You gotta learn to talk, Jeffrey -- it's part of the aging process.'

Turn, turn and turn.

"He's not talking yet, but sometimes we give him peanut butter to make it look like he is."

"Someday she'll solve the world's problems."

Low-Energy Drinks

"The way he stacks those blocks, I see repression, some hostility, and a lot of dissatisfaction with his place in society."

'What's play?'

"I'm so proud - she's already learning her shapes."

Twenty-first century baby walker

'He's not talking yet, but his texting skills are excellent...'

"He doesn't really talk yet, but he does some sound bites."

"When did she start crawling?"

"....But then I find myself saying, what if there isn't more to life than this?"

'Oh Darling, you must be so proud: Your first wart!'

In case of Emergency: Break Glass

"Eventually, you'll learn to hate your body, then love it again, then hate it—and back and forth until the beach becomes very complicated."

"Oh good, more time alone for quiet reflection."

Baby Mozart.

"So, what do you do for play?"

Now Simon would have nightmares about his mother's failing eyesight.