Addressing Childhood Issues Gifts

Psychiatrist to man dressed in baseball jersey: 'You've never gotten over the fact your father wouldn't play catch with you?'

Coronavirus Impact on Children

'Neither a lender nor a borrower be.'

". . . but he's almost four and he hasn't been labelled yet!"

"These are my little helpers - social worker,child psychology, risk assessment,health and safety, paramedic and compo for kids."

"We need to have a serious talk."

"Oh, it's just more white-male stuff."

"I would share, but I'm not there developmentally."

"And in local news, somebody pooped on the Jenkins' lawn again."

"Hey, look at that. It looks like the stuff we've been using to text each other for years."

'If you think about it, would you give him a coffee with 17 spoonfuls of sugar in it?'

'Don't be silly mum, the morning after pill doesn't work 14 years after conception.'

"But, sweetie, children are the backbone of our educational system."

"Ask Sadie advice hour! What's your problem?!" "Being a high school student is literally killing me! I sit all day at school, and sit all evening doing my homework." "Stop yer sniveling!!! Every student since the beginning of time has had to deal with this problem." "Yes, you're sitting all day. But like any other teenager, you should be burning thousands of calories anyway." "The eye-rolling alone should burn up to 473 calories per hour. Pick up the pace, slacker!!!"

"Can Hilary come out to abstain from having sex?"

'My answers aren't wrong,merely different.'

The Very Last Dinosaur

Zit: Pus based life-form whose main habitat is the teenage face. Normally peaceable, but he can react violently if threatened.

"Sorry, but you can't be friends with a page! Pages become squires, then knights: our mortal enemies!"

"That cross is not divine. It's a symbol of how out of control things can get when a teenager lies about how she got pregnant."

"Well Mrs Collins. The results of my test seem to confirm that Gavin has a rather nasty case of glue-ear."

A classroom full of young children; a schedule board in the background lists the day's activities which include: circle time, art fun, snack and S.A.T. prep.

The Teenage Mantra: You don't understand...

'I'm not being edutained!'

'I can't make it tonight. I have to attend my mother's lecture series on responsibility.'

"You wouldn't smack the new underclass would you nanny?"

Oil pipeline worries.

'Kindergarten is supposed to be fun. You mustn't be doing it right.'

'He's a very angry young man. I should know. I had tight shoes when I was a kid.'

"Papi, I figure summer is a waste of time... According to my calculations, if I go to school instead, I'll graduate from high school three years early!"

Cull people who clear leaves or snow from their sidewalk by shoving it onto their neighbor's.

"The educational toys were a waste of money."