Family Issues Awareness Gifts

'We've decided to go with your idea of putting deadbeat dads on milk cartons.'

"Your resume says that you've got your Ph.D., your M.B.A. and that you've worked as a C.F.O. and C.E.O. but that your most important title and position has been M.O.M.?"

"We'd love to come, but we can't seem to find a sitter."

"We need to have a serious talk."

"Say hi to your mother for me and tell her I'm happy her bypass turned out O.K

Psychiatrist to man dressed in baseball jersey: 'You've never gotten over the fact your father wouldn't play catch with you?'

"... and finally, to my children I leave the four mosquitos and the horsefly in the top left corner."

Going into the relationship, Tom knew Loretta was a package deal.

"What's your question for 'Ask Sadie'?" "My mom's in a nursing home. I think someone's stealing her jewelry." "What's the matter, you're afraid someone is stealing your inheritance?" "Simple solution: Send your mother to Japan, where their entire culture reveres the elderly." "Sayonara, grandma!!!" "Are you sure that's not just a stereotype?" "Who cares?!"

'I know we hadn't planned on getting a bigger car until we had kids, but I think we need one now to accommodate the bumper-stickers.'

"I've spent so much time with my family that I've started to lose sight of what really matters."

Suicide Is a Rude Way to Interfere With Society Murdering You

"I never realized trying to have a baby would mean replacing the soft music and candlelight with an ovulation strip, a thermometer, and a starter pistol."

'Excluding our little granddaughter who called me 'orrible old smellypops!'

"Let's talk about your overprotective mother."

'Cool snack, Tommy! My folks are into health foods too!'

Will work for dental plan.

'I represent a broad-based coalition of anti-pipe interests....'

"I say give the public what it wants."

The Very Last Dinosaur

'I can't make it tonight. I have to attend my mother's lecture series on responsibility.'

"You moving back in hasn't been a picnic for us, either. I can't wait until you have adult children of your own."

"Mommy says she's lived in a cage without bars for years."

Cold quarantine.

"C'mon, Dad...you can't ignore pain. It can be your colon or prostate or diabetes or high blood pressure. We can't afford for you to get sick!"

'... And he's always accusing me of being a lousy cook. If you don't believe me, ask the nurse who pumped his stomach, last week.'

Dear Santa, Tia Carmen is in the hospital. We don't know what's going to happen. You can keep all my presents this year. Just let us have Tia Carmen home for Christmas. Gracie.

"No, honey, divorce is not the same as deleting an app."

'Oh, I see! So this is what it takes for you to call your mother.'

'This sound? That's my biological clock. By the way- are you married?'

Girl not understanding parents and grandma, due to cell phone breaking up, not understanding them either.

'Bad news Fred. They're stopping my incapacity benefit.'

"Did you once admire your Aunt's kitchen towels?"

'Uncle Tom, Mum said you could get us on the at risk register - that sounds like a fun thing to do today.'

Girl's Toys