Navigating Family Issues Gifts

"Let's talk about your overprotective mother."

"What's that mark on your arm, Mama?"

"We'd love to come, but we can't seem to find a sitter."

'I'm very confused. I never had a father. I was raised by two mummies.'

'She knew we'd try to talk her-out of it.'

"We need to have a serious talk."

'None of the other things had instructions.'

"We've given it a great deal of thought and we decided we're going to give in to everything you want at all times."

"Let's split up the jobs for taking care of the baby. I'll take care of what goes in to him. . . you take care of what goes out!"

"Everything started when I became a stay-at-home-mom of three little monsters."

"Mom, Suzy keeps coming closer than 6 feet to me."

"I think he's outgrown the baby gate."

'No, you can't turn your vegetables into bio-fuel.'

"I know it's 3 a.m. but don't you think this is a good time to discuss spending the holidays with my mother."

'I think he's proud of his ability to be in the way in more than one room at a time.'

Kids go to school and mom goes to the psychiatric clinic.

"What's your question for 'Ask Sadie'?" "My mom's in a nursing home. I think someone's stealing her jewelry." "What's the matter, you're afraid someone is stealing your inheritance?" "Simple solution: Send your mother to Japan, where their entire culture reveres the elderly." "Sayonara, grandma!!!" "Are you sure that's not just a stereotype?" "Who cares?!"

'Do you realize that I spend more time out than I do in?'

"So which bit do you think was 'nature' and which 'nurture'?"

My changing Body: A Guide For New Fathers

"Ironically, this all started with a little poke on Facebook."

"O.K., class, next we'll pound out the dough until that ungrateful, self-centered son of a bitch realizes he's not the center of the world, and maybe, just maybe, he doesn't deserve an attractive, well-educated woman with a wonderful sense of humor."

"Wet wipe?"

'No Jennifer! I never head of mad broccoli disease.'

"I'm sorry, Tom... but you don't Chronic Fatigue Syndrome if it only when you're going to see your inlaws."

'I'm afraid your child support payments will be quite substantial.'

'Eddie's mom has nerves of steel. She didn't send me home 'til almost four.'

"Mummy's a bit grisly in the mornings. But after something to eat and a little nap, she's quite pleasant."

"I don't know why she got so mad. I had an excuse based on a true story."

"Baldo! Pick him up!"

"I thought we talked about this."

"I'm afraid you suffer from 'Teen Traumatic Stress Disorder.' Once your kids grow up, it'll go away."

"Traveling alone? Don't worry. I'll probably be dead soon anyway."

"If it's any consolation, the first 34 years are the worst."

"It's probably bad news if she refers to the second date as 'mission creep.' "