Fertility Awareness Gifts

"I never realized trying to have a baby would mean replacing the soft music and candlelight with an ovulation strip, a thermometer, and a starter pistol."

"I guess for me family planning is just a study in fertility."

'With these alternative fertility treatments you never quite know how things turn out,'

"I wish they'd never discovered fertility drugs!"

Radiology, Cardiology and Fertility Clinic.

"Have you considered trying for a puppy?"

"You need to stop pressing the snooze button on your biological clock."

"Leapfrog is the latest craze among the kids, but experts say it contribute to declining birthrates. Find out why � after the break!"

Man leaves sperm bank. Woman says: 'Thanks, do come again.'

"It's perfect for starting a family."

IVF assessment centre.

Pregnancy Test

Three Parent Baby

Fertility clinic open day - Man holding balloons shaped like sperm.

'And for Pete's sake, let's cut out out all this artificial insemination.'

Fertility Center.

'I warned you that the fertility drugs might have side effects.'

'And once we transfer the embryo, aspirate the follicles, and align your ovulation with the doctor's gold schedule, voila -- natures little miracle.'

"If you're so worried about the effect of your mobile phone on your sperm count maybe you should just use it less!"

"We can make you more pregnant than you ever though possible."

Fertility Clinic - "Who wants to be mother?"

"Just for variety, Doc, next time let's insert the embryos doggy style."

'I'm sorry Mrs Jones, but according to these results your womb is extremely inhospitable, and your husband's sperm is gay.'

Science and mothers day

'Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize 1 egg?'

Sperm Bank: Penetrations...Withdrawals.

"First, the good news; you're not sterile."

"Whoever she is...she's one hell of an egg donor."

You're expecting twins. What! I wanted a least triplets!

'We can now offer you a free range egg option.'

'I'm sorry to inform you, Mrs. Cottontail, you're out of eggs.'

'We'd like to know the identity of the anonymous egg donor.'

'How do you like your eggs, - inseminated, frozen or sunny side up?'

"I do hope you've got enough for a sample, Mr Furse."

"Great news! Your sperm count is dangerously low!"