Childhood Mishap Humorist Gifts

Bad experiences at an early age can affect the whole life.

'Well, there's something you don't see every day'

'Let's play doctor - I'll listen to your heart and you give me all your allowance.'

'This is your lucky day!'

Dave took his motto, 'Roofing done in one hour' seriously, even nailing shingles before plywood had been put down.

A Not So Grand Slam.

"This next one's a sad little number I call, 'I left my guitar on the F train.'"

"At least she got it to squeak when she tripped over it."

'How was my emergency stop?'

"There's definitely enough growing room."

Freak Accident Specialist

Cotton candy

"And do you get a shooting pain between your eyes?"

'It doesn't work...'

"And hold the mayo."

'As a kid, whenever I was at a petting zoo, I got bit, butted and stomped on.'

"I'm worried about him - he's praying to Mrs. Butterworth."

'He's so unlucky that he gets into accidents that started happening to someone else.'

'I had a good share and tell, Ms. Gibbs, but my family made me sign a confidentiality agreement.'

'Number of days since last accident' a man is falling off of ladder while trying to post numbers...

A combustion of chemists

"Well done!"

Please Don't Ask...

"Rodent droppings? Hey! We were wondering where they'd got to!"

"Of all the vehicles in heaven and you had to rear-end his car?"

Of all the days to sleep in!

'It happens.'

'Surprisingly enough, this is in the range of acceptable risk.'

Dinosaur crossing sign.

Thought bubbles and speech bubbles

'-and the look on his face when you overtook him in the Car Wash!'

'Turn the camera off! Turn off the web cam!'

Mobile library.

'It's bad enough that you dropped your end of the stretcher, but did you have to yell 'BOMBS AWAY'?'

"Reading, writing, AND arithmetic - I'm too YOUNG to multitask!"