Childhood Mishap Humorist Gifts

Bad experiences at an early age can affect the whole life.

'Well, there's something you don't see every day'

'Let's play doctor - I'll listen to your heart and you give me all your allowance.'

'This is your lucky day!'

Dave took his motto, 'Roofing done in one hour' seriously, even nailing shingles before plywood had been put down.

"At least she got it to squeak when she tripped over it."

A Not So Grand Slam.

"This next one's a sad little number I call, 'I left my guitar on the F train.'"

'How was my emergency stop?'

Cotton candy

"There's definitely enough growing room."

"And hold the mayo."

'It doesn't work...'

"I'm worried about him - he's praying to Mrs. Butterworth."

"And do you get a shooting pain between your eyes?"

'He's so unlucky that he gets into accidents that started happening to someone else.'

'As a kid, whenever I was at a petting zoo, I got bit, butted and stomped on.'

'I had a good share and tell, Ms. Gibbs, but my family made me sign a confidentiality agreement.'

'Number of days since last accident' a man is falling off of ladder while trying to post numbers...

A combustion of chemists

"Well done!"

"Rodent droppings? Hey! We were wondering where they'd got to!"

Please Don't Ask...

"Of all the vehicles in heaven and you had to rear-end his car?"

'It happens.'

'Surprisingly enough, this is in the range of acceptable risk.'

Dinosaur crossing sign.

'-and the look on his face when you overtook him in the Car Wash!'

'Turn the camera off! Turn off the web cam!'

Mobile library.

"Reading, writing, AND arithmetic - I'm too YOUNG to multitask!"

'Sylvia? It's Allen. Listen, I accidentally left the shop with a knee ligament kit...Yeah, yeah, I know. I am an idiot. Anyway, could you send someone out pronto with the kit for rotator cuffs?'