Child Custody Gifts

Erica hated it when her ex tried to upstage her when he picked up the kids.

Child custody

'Access to the kids? No. I want access to the audio equipment.'

"I got custody of the kids. Do you want one?"

Access to the kids? No. I want access to the computer equipment.

'I'm with my minister father and my senator mom through the week and my senator mom through the week. I'm the ultimate division between Church and State.'

'Are the children with you of their mother?'

'I'll relinquish most of my visitation rights if you'll just let Katie come over once in awhile to program my appliances.'

'I thought you said 'shared custard' not 'shared custody'.'

City Zoo: Day Care

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

In the Guru District

'Please tell me you're baby sitting?'

Mum and baby both have pacifier.

Madonna of the Pukes.

"Someone once told me that kids grow up so quickly. I hope there's some truth to that."

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

Cry babies.

The Baby Walker

Catching Jeffrey To Change His Diaper.

"Look Mommy, hat!"

'William, I've decided to go back to work so I can get a little rest during the day.'

Teacher pointing to P,Q, on board: "OK class, which letter comes next? Redbeard, you should know this."

T"ruly, Susan, I envy no man."

Fat Kid 10- Eats an ice-cream

'Don't worry. It's never too hot or never too cold.'

'You call it a bra. I call it excess packaging.'

'The child is very illogical'

"I said he's beginning to teethe...not tithe."

"The first one's just a warning."

'Still having a hard time finding day care?'

"Guys, can you use your Mommy-doesn't-want-to-know-I-exist voices?"

When a toddler hands you their ringing toy phone, you answer it!

"Congratulations, it's a lifetime of penury and countless sleepless nights!"

"Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jack fell down, broke his crown and Jill said 'I told you so'."