Custody Agreement Gifts

"He got custody of me in the settlement."

"In lieu of a pre-nup we decided just to label everything."

"Some day, son, all this will be your ex-wife's."

'Nothing impacts my lifestyle choices more than a veterinarian with a scale.'

"Oh no! Oh no! Oh no! Oh no!"

Bathroom Fairy

"Not guilty?"

Whittler's Mother.

'I want to find out what the formula was I wrote yesterday on the blackboard and was erased by the custodian.'

"If you need anything in the building, just call the super. This is the only known photo of him."

'I'm with my minister father and my senator mom through the week and my senator mom through the week. I'm the ultimate division between Church and State.'

"After being shorted on his bonus, Earl the maintenance man decided to remove all the toilet paper from the executive washrooms."

"I hate all the paperwork there is with this job."

"And to think NASA hit a target 11 million kilometres away."

"It's just me, the algae-eater. Mind if I tidy up a bit in here?"

"You got custody of us, mommy, because you're the very best attorney picker."

Superintendent

'Access to the kids? No. I want access to the audio equipment.'

'Why should I look forward to the weekend? Rake leaves, clean out the gutters, mend the fence, wash the car...'

Bartender: 'Bad day, huh?' Man: 'I'll say. My vindictive ex-wife just won sole custody of my inner child.'

"You may be the CEO, but I control the thermostat in your office."

Conan the Custodian.

"It's the super - he says a lot of short American fiction has been clogging the pipes in the basement."

'Getting other people's toddler's leftovers on a highchair is one thing, but getting their toddler, too, is another.'

'Oh no, green waxy build up.'

'I had no idea there was a Nobel Prize for school custodian.'

"Pre-nups are healthy for a relationship. It's good for our lawyers to get to know one another."

"I have the kids Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. She has them Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday. Thursday they're free-range.

'I'm afraid your child support payments will be quite substantial.'

''Honor thy father and thy mother'? -- What about custody disputes?'

Birthdays were always better at Mom's.

'My client is fine with the nuptial agreement except for section 7a, non parole period!'

Man throws his burger wrapper into the trash.

"I'll introduce you to important people like Jim, the custodian. He controls the thermostat."

A janitor stomps on, mops up and bottles some grapes to make "Truly Affordable Beaujolais".