Chickpea Champion Gifts

'Ah, Garbanzo, truly you are a noble bean.'

'Dr Hodges, here, is from England and he's been observing us for 14 years. Mr Ferrell, an American, has been here only 3 weeks. Monique Corveu, from Paris, has practically been living with us for about nine years...'

"Well, at least it's an improvement from last night."

"Doesn't seem like 6 hours on the couch, but you can't argue with a lethargy tracker."

"We'd better stock up on TV snacks in the event of war."

'He usually doesn't follow medical advice, but when the doctor told him to learn to relax...'

CAUTION: Creative genius at work

"The next dance will be ladies' choice."

"You'll love this model, sir! You won't have to miss any of the sports action when you go for a beer!"

'Now that's Real TV!'

Haute Chinese

Starvation Watching

"Another CSI spinoff? What's this one called?"

"That's Reubens, he's an alternate lifestyle coach."

The Little Engine that really shouldn't, she already had one of Evelyn's cheesecake brownies, she couldn't possibly, O.K. maybe just one.

'My arms are getting shorter.'

"I'm sorry madam, we're right out of Mississippi mud pie. All that's left is the Severn sludge souffle."

... And by the end of the first quarter of the game, the famous 'Man Cave' was completely deserted.

"10,000 steps...just answering doorbells."

'What a Summer of Sport, eh?'

'On the contrary, soap operas are a great time-saver -- you don't have to get married and have your OWN problems.'

"I'm sorry, you must have me confused with someone that does yard work."

'Ironically, sportswear is the most comfortable clothing for doing nothing in.'

'I don't care what he says, child labor laws were never intended to protect the rights of children in their mid-30s.'

"I want to be so successful that it ruins my life."

"Deal! I'll introduce you to Dian Fossey and you'll introduce me to Jane Goodall!"

"Look, we're getting a recreation centre."

"Tia Carmen's Bucket List: pulling a 7-day telenovela bender."

Ball and Chain

"I didn't miss my workout...I didn't miss it one bit!"

"The Procrastination World Championships were only a month away. He never trained so hard."

'Helen! I'm all settled in and I don't want to get up. Would you get the remote for me?'

Hungry Panda Thirsty Hippo Curious Sloth

'Someone told him life begins at forty. Now he's reserving his energies!'

'Just as I thought...you can't collect on the life insurance by boring me to death.'