Chimp Champion Gifts

'Honey, can you believe we share 99% of our DNA with chimps!?'

"Wow, human DNA is so close to ours! Pity they're just missing perfection by a few percentage points..."

Little known evolutionary steps.

'That's it Ma'am: Your VCR is set and programmed... You don't need to be an Alpha Male to work it out...'

'Dr Hodges, here, is from England and he's been observing us for 14 years. Mr Ferrell, an American, has been here only 3 weeks. Monique Corveu, from Paris, has practically been living with us for about nine years...'

"Deal! I'll introduce you to Dian Fossey and you'll introduce me to Jane Goodall!"

"Here's another one written in E minor and in case you haven't guessed by now, it's the only chord I know."

'She hasn't advanced to figure eights yet.'

CAUTION: Creative genius at work

"Remember son, evolution peaks with us - chimps were in space before man!"

'Catch a pair of chimps and do a complete makeover on them.'

Monkey casino study.

'Remember, I deduct one grade point for every splinter.'

Fortunately, his training had prepared him to deal with all types of customers.

'It's no use ... I'll never catch anyone. I can't even catch my breath.'

He's a terrible climber, but he's pretty good with tools.

My music gave me a grade of F sharp.

"What setting do I use for this?"

'I thought she'd never leave.'

"Sure I won the spelling bee contest, but since everyone has spell check, no one cares!"

Chimp, proficient in primate speech, outsmarts a lie detector.

"Careful...she bites."

"Love them rays, Chief."

A man carves a totem pole

Sculptor: 'Okay, SMILE!'

Sign on the door at Karate School.

'Hey, I just noticed something. So you know what you get if you cover the 'c' in potato chips? Potato hips, isn't that funny?'

"'Wash the Car'? Isn't that nepotism?"

"Waiter, these chopsticks are not cooperating."

'Cooking, it's rocket science...'

'You're right - he's trying to communicate.'

"Remember? Pretend I'm not here!"

'We brought him here to be C...A...S...T...R...A...'

Apple Kids

"Family game night rocks! Especially when the winner decides what his prize is!"