Chimp Champion Gifts

'Honey, can you believe we share 99% of our DNA with chimps!?'

"Wow, human DNA is so close to ours! Pity they're just missing perfection by a few percentage points..."

Little known evolutionary steps.

'That's it Ma'am: Your VCR is set and programmed... You don't need to be an Alpha Male to work it out...'

'Dr Hodges, here, is from England and he's been observing us for 14 years. Mr Ferrell, an American, has been here only 3 weeks. Monique Corveu, from Paris, has practically been living with us for about nine years...'

"Deal! I'll introduce you to Dian Fossey and you'll introduce me to Jane Goodall!"

"Here's another one written in E minor and in case you haven't guessed by now, it's the only chord I know."

'She hasn't advanced to figure eights yet.'

CAUTION: Creative genius at work

'Catch a pair of chimps and do a complete makeover on them.'

"Remember son, evolution peaks with us - chimps were in space before man!"

Monkey casino study.

Fortunately, his training had prepared him to deal with all types of customers.

'Remember, I deduct one grade point for every splinter.'

My music gave me a grade of F sharp.

'It's no use ... I'll never catch anyone. I can't even catch my breath.'

'I thought she'd never leave.'

"Sure I won the spelling bee contest, but since everyone has spell check, no one cares!"

Chimp, proficient in primate speech, outsmarts a lie detector.

"Careful...she bites."

A man carves a totem pole

"Love them rays, Chief."

Sculptor: 'Okay, SMILE!'

Sign on the door at Karate School.

'Hey, I just noticed something. So you know what you get if you cover the 'c' in potato chips? Potato hips, isn't that funny?'

"'Wash the Car'? Isn't that nepotism?"

"Waiter, these chopsticks are not cooperating."

'Cooking, it's rocket science...'

'You're right - he's trying to communicate.'

'We brought him here to be C...A...S...T...R...A...'

"Family game night rocks! Especially when the winner decides what his prize is!"

Some said she exploited her youthful allure...

'This is a very powerful perfume -- there's a ten-day waiting period.'

"My wife has a black belt in cooking, she can kill a man with a single chop."

Grooming Tips