Chemical Calamity Enthusiast Gifts

"I wish to complain about the chlorine level in the swimming pool. . ."

"I flunked out of cooking school. Even the dog won't eat my homework."

'It's good to see that you have a smoke detector...'

Roasted

'I burned my fingers by touching the hot breakfast eggs, but next time, I'll peel them before I put them into boiling water!'

It's an experiment.

Molecules you ought to be aware of...

Professor Urquat makes his final contribution to the world of science.

'Not beans on toast again.' - 'No, toast on beans. I dropped it.'

The End of the World is Nigh - man with placard

"Larry made that chair from a pile of sticks."

Hazardous substance - ignitable, corrosive, reactive, toxic, real smelly, yucchy.

FDA will 'Regulate Tobacco'.

"Hurry up and make a wish. Your cake's in there."

Goldfish Insurance: " We must insure against a deluge of BIBLICAL proportions. . ."

"Uh-oh...I fear this means trouble at the stock exchange!"

The final days of hair coloring

'Honey, I think you have an error message coming in from the kitchen.'

Drawing board disaster.

How scientists classify the Elements vs how students classify the Elements.

'Please stand by. We have temporary loss of your roast.'

'Well, lucky you! The chef informs me that his breakfast special today is blackened scrambled eggs!'

"Oh my god- the salad's on fire!"

The Mysterious World of Ligand Substitution.

"Let these catalysts catalyze! Allow this experiment to be expedited. Help these chemicals to coalesce."

'Landsbanki collapses in October 2008 and affects thousands of investors,' - 'The 'Eyjafjallajokull' volcano erupts in April 2010 causing massive disruption to international airspace,' - 'The question you have to ask is, 'Did sacking Kerry Katona,,,'

"Then we'll just mark it 'Do not shake before using'."

'Should my souffle blow the oven door off?'

'That new recipe didn't quite work out. Do you fancy popping down to the chippy?'

"The chef's having a tough day, what with coroners and such."

Honey, come eat your oatmeal before it sets!

Mammalicide.

'...Man, I'll be glad when this inning is over.'

"The recipe said to stand in hot water for ten minutes."

Sandwich Fail