Cheat Meal Enthusiast Gifts

'...Forbidden foods are only allowed when cheating...'

"Yes I know, and you dropped sauce on your shirt."

"Please don't kill me."

Making healthy substitutions at mealtime

"And for dessert, I'd like the mice pudding."

'Meat cooked, but carrots still hard.' Hand in pot

'it's the last bite that worries me.'

The Aisle

'I can't have you spending all of your money on fancy restaurants like this, Jeff.'

'They're not mints - they're antacid tablets.'

'In case of emergency, break glass.'

"Still workin' on that, sir?"

"And the best part of grinding their bones to make your bread - totally gluten free!"

Gym/Tan/Donut

"Sure we could just print out the specials, but the chef doesn't want to leave a paper trail."

'Your trouble is that you don't appreciate good food.'

"Our food supervisor used to be a military cook."

'I'll have the mystery meat with anonymous vegetables.'

'A dozen bagels, please. For here.'

CIA Cafeteria: 'It's nice of you to ask, but the recipe is classified.'

'My doctor said I'm digging my own grave with a spoon and fork. It'll take longer if I use only a fork.'

"I'm all for having a cheat day while dieting. However, you may be taking it a bit too far."

'To help me stay on my diet, I've hired a portion control officer.'

'What's this rumor I hear, that they're putting saltpeter in Meals-On-Wheels!'

Waiter, there's a wireless earbud phone in my soup.

Sugar Maple: Regular/Calorie-Reduced

Waiter: 'Your Chicken wings Ma'am.'

'I can't believe you cooked this all by yourself...you must have had an accomplice!'

"We keep getting billed from DoorDash. Who here has been ordering all this food?"

'I'll take a six-piece 'Surprise Me' meal, and two 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell' Wraps with Super Enigma Chunks...'

'Something moved!'

"And you say this was the serving suggestion?"

This time, Eddie was going to pay for this.

'Did you remember to stuff the chicken?' 'I didn't have to. It was full already.'

"Worlds are colliding. This is plant-based Spam."