Cheat Meal Enthusiast Pillows

'...Forbidden foods are only allowed when cheating...'

"Yes I know, and you dropped sauce on your shirt."

"And for dessert, I'd like the mice pudding."

"Please don't kill me."

Making healthy substitutions at mealtime

'Meat cooked, but carrots still hard.' Hand in pot

'it's the last bite that worries me.'

The Aisle

'I can't have you spending all of your money on fancy restaurants like this, Jeff.'

'They're not mints - they're antacid tablets.'

'In case of emergency, break glass.'

"And the best part of grinding their bones to make your bread - totally gluten free!"

"Still workin' on that, sir?"

Gym/Tan/Donut

"Sure we could just print out the specials, but the chef doesn't want to leave a paper trail."

"Our food supervisor used to be a military cook."

'I'll have the mystery meat with anonymous vegetables.'

'Your trouble is that you don't appreciate good food.'

'A dozen bagels, please. For here.'

CIA Cafeteria: 'It's nice of you to ask, but the recipe is classified.'

Sugar Maple: Regular/Calorie-Reduced

'What's this rumor I hear, that they're putting saltpeter in Meals-On-Wheels!'

'My doctor said I'm digging my own grave with a spoon and fork. It'll take longer if I use only a fork.'

'To help me stay on my diet, I've hired a portion control officer.'

Waiter: 'Your Chicken wings Ma'am.'

"I'm all for having a cheat day while dieting. However, you may be taking it a bit too far."

Waiter, there's a wireless earbud phone in my soup.

'I can't believe you cooked this all by yourself...you must have had an accomplice!'

'I'll take a six-piece 'Surprise Me' meal, and two 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell' Wraps with Super Enigma Chunks...'

"We keep getting billed from DoorDash. Who here has been ordering all this food?"

'Something moved!'

This time, Eddie was going to pay for this.

'Did you remember to stuff the chicken?' 'I didn't have to. It was full already.'

"And you say this was the serving suggestion?"

"Worlds are colliding. This is plant-based Spam."