Cheapskate Jester Gifts

"I'm maybe not the real Santa, but I'm the only Santa who would do it for the money your dad was willing to pay for the job!"

"We're following Carrot Top."

Pappa clown views offspring in maternity window.

"It's great to see Biff; Socksie the cat is out of the bag..."

Stepping on clown's shoe...

Three card brag - I'm great! I'm really handsome & I'm very rich.

'Make him laugh, make him cry.'

'How am I going to get all this back in the tube?'

'Guess what I'd like to see disappear next.'

"I'm popping out for a tinkle."

'Keep it under you hat, but I want you to enrich some uranium.'

The contract was not worth the paper it was written on, which considering the paper was not a good sign.

'Make sport of the Queen.'

Travelling jesters. No fools left aboard overnight.

"Is that neat whisky?"

'I'm looking for someone who can make me laugh.'

'Ringing in your ears, you say?'

'I told the jester he could take April Fool's Day off.'

'Sharing the petrol costs didn't bother me, but I resent having to pay half for the condoms!'

'Drive-ins are so expensive...this is much better than a drive in.'

Never poke fun.

'From left to right: witchfinder general, jester jocular and spouse peculiar.'

'I hate these commerical breaks!'

'If you haven't been taking your vitamins. What have you been doing with them?'

Sod orf, midges...

"Since when did they start putting perfume in aerosol cans?"

"It's from Henry VIII, sire. He's going to be in town and wants to know where the best hook-up spots are."

'Do something else - I don't like irony.'

"You'll notice it's the same list as last year. Let's try a little harder this time."

"Must be the life to work in a castle. You get paid by a rich king and you don’t have to go through every shift smelling elephant butt."

Another wedding

King and clown engage in role reversal.

"Work's been really hard."

'Dear, this is gift shop number 3. You now owe me 1 bait & tackle, 1 hardware store, and a bar.'

"Simply swipe your card, enter the pin, and a pot of gold will be deposited into your account within two working days."