Cheapskate Enthusiast Gifts

"Hello, Mari...we brought you some flowers. No, they're not real... I thought artificial ones would last longer."

Wine Selection 'Here we are. Our cheapest house wine. Would the gentleman care to smell the twisty cap?'

'We are entering an era of thrift, so in place of champagne and canapes, there will be a jumble sale.'

'No, you can't just watch the end of Bargainhunt!'

'And I want that end table for $40...' When bargain hunters crack.

Online Shopping.

'Let's go home and come back next year. It's Ground Hog Deficit!'

DIY marriage counseling.

'They never quite finished it - it was probably over budget.'

The contract was not worth the paper it was written on, which considering the paper was not a good sign.

The spend is high

"They weren't doing a two for one on moisturisers, low fat yogurt or muesli then!!"

"I'm afraid your allowance didn't survive the latest round of budget cuts."

Family planning - 'I was thinking something low maintenance.'

"Why pay for a tree in November when you can get one off the side of the road in January for free?"

"I've been told to go through all our expenses...cut out any fat, get rid of any costly perks!"

"Is that neat whisky?"

"Could you hold off clipping your coupons until I've finished reading the paper?"

"There is such a thing as a free lunch-it just tastes bad."

'Sharing the petrol costs didn't bother me, but I resent having to pay half for the condoms!'

How to make sure he won't see his shadow.

"Why can't you just buy some modern LED lights?"

"Do you have something cheap but with a really expensive label?"

'Drive-ins are so expensive...this is much better than a drive in.'

Bargains

"There's no getting away from the numbers....only by forgetting holidays, giving up drink, the cinema, meals out and socialising...will we be able to afford any quality of life when we retire."

"He's given up trying to find anything else he can cut to reach 40% savings."

"But if we didn't measure things we wouldn't know how good we were at measuring the things that we're measuring!"

"Oh no. It's another death caused by 'economy pack syndrome'!"

I brake for all 50 off Sales.

sale

Final clearance sale.

Tony Blair - EU budget.

Looking for a way to have their cake and eat it too.

'We've all had to cut costs a smidge.'