Cheapskate Aficionados Gifts

Thrift: Have a face-lift, and keep the old face.

"They're on special offer so I got three times more than I could ever use for twice as much as I could afford!"

"We're never going to resolve this if you won't get your own sword."

The contract was not worth the paper it was written on, which considering the paper was not a good sign.

Martin hated dining alone – but loved the savings.

"We could have a Do-It-Yourself wedding! Your friends could do the cake and flowers, Uncle Jim could do the photos..."

"Is that neat whisky?"

'You're clearly not well, just keep taking these until we run out of them.'

'Sharing the petrol costs didn't bother me, but I resent having to pay half for the condoms!'

"I've had a very trying day. I've tried on dresses, shoes..."

'Drive-ins are so expensive...this is much better than a drive in.'

"Do you have something cheap but with a really expensive label?"

Sod orf, midges...

"He was right about saving that box. It did come in handy."

'Remember, Henderson - A penny saved is a departmental oversight.'

'Money can't buy everything... that's what credit cards are for!'

"Can I have another free biscuit for my dog?"

"For a little extra we could have got Giotto."

"You're thirty minutes late. Does that mean I get it for free?"

"I've made a fortune and never used my own money. Hey, can you spare a buck?"

'Your House Wines seem rather pricey - d'you have any Bungalow Wines?'

"It's your new IKEA store, sign here."

"No luggage."

"'Less is more' doesn't apply to allowances!"

Phil would try anything to avoid paying hefty airport parking fees.

"... Oh, he's the fastest in the west alright... The fastest out of the saloon when it's his round!"

"What are we actually celebrating here tonight?"

Thrift: 'Collect a smaller child than your own from school... It eats less and fits the old clothes of the previous child.'

"Hello, Mari...we brought you some flowers. No, they're not real... I thought artificial ones would last longer."

"I'm maybe not the real Santa, but I'm the only Santa who would do it for the money your dad was willing to pay for the job!"

'Careful Artie, hidden fees.'

'After you. So courteous, he always lets me in first, so I have to buy the first round.'

Seductive lines that just don't cut it.

'Okay, we'll meet six sharp, at the rail yard!'