Cheapskate Humor Lover Gifts

Shaving Blades

"My computer isn't working again! I regret paying the full $5 for it at the garage sale."

"We're never going to resolve this if you won't get your own sword."

Elephant ass selfie.

"Why, Vicar, I'm Eve in the Garden of Eden, surely..."

"The WiFi password is: 'buysomethingorgetout'."

The contract was not worth the paper it was written on, which considering the paper was not a good sign.

'Bernie, you're not gonna have anything disgusting to hurl at zoo visitors if you forget this.'

"Is that neat whisky?"

Safe driver.

'Sharing the petrol costs didn't bother me, but I resent having to pay half for the condoms!'

Ladmag - Caution, immature content.

Barbecue: Touch the Chef Inappropriately!

'Drive-ins are so expensive...this is much better than a drive in.'

-'Do you have a last wish senor?' -'Yeah, I'd like to pee on your leg.'

Sod orf, midges...

"Hey-look, honey! We screwed our tails off!"

"Since when did they start putting perfume in aerosol cans?"

"Where can a fellow find some loose tea in this town?"

'It's cheaper to replace the floor every month than to wash it and risk a customer slipping and then suing us.'

"Can I have another free biscuit for my dog?"

Keister Island.

The Living End.

'The Businessman's Lunch won't cut it, hon. We want the Businessman's Orgy!'

"You're thirty minutes late. Does that mean I get it for free?"

"For a little extra we could have got Giotto."

"I've made a fortune and never used my own money. Hey, can you spare a buck?"

'Your House Wines seem rather pricey - d'you have any Bungalow Wines?'

Thrift: Have a face-lift, and keep the old face.

'...And this is the lads' trophy room!'

Let's play hide-the-sausage!

"Fancy a bit of the other what, Reg?"

'You only want to do it when people are watching.'

"'Less is more' doesn't apply to allowances!"

Supermarkets