Cheapskate Humor Lover Gifts

Shaving Blades

"My computer isn't working again! I regret paying the full $5 for it at the garage sale."

"We're never going to resolve this if you won't get your own sword."

Elephant ass selfie.

"Why, Vicar, I'm Eve in the Garden of Eden, surely..."

The contract was not worth the paper it was written on, which considering the paper was not a good sign.

"The WiFi password is: 'buysomethingorgetout'."

"Is that neat whisky?"

Safe driver.

Ladmag - Caution, immature content.

'Sharing the petrol costs didn't bother me, but I resent having to pay half for the condoms!'

Barbecue: Touch the Chef Inappropriately!

-'Do you have a last wish senor?' -'Yeah, I'd like to pee on your leg.'

'Drive-ins are so expensive...this is much better than a drive in.'

Sod orf, midges...

"Hey-look, honey! We screwed our tails off!"

"Where can a fellow find some loose tea in this town?"

'It's cheaper to replace the floor every month than to wash it and risk a customer slipping and then suing us.'

"For a little extra we could have got Giotto."

Keister Island.

The Living End.

"I've made a fortune and never used my own money. Hey, can you spare a buck?"

'The Businessman's Lunch won't cut it, hon. We want the Businessman's Orgy!'

"You're thirty minutes late. Does that mean I get it for free?"

"Can I have another free biscuit for my dog?"

'Your House Wines seem rather pricey - d'you have any Bungalow Wines?'

Thrift: Have a face-lift, and keep the old face.

Let's play hide-the-sausage!

'You only want to do it when people are watching.'

"Fancy a bit of the other what, Reg?"

"'Less is more' doesn't apply to allowances!"

'...And this is the lads' trophy room!'

Scruffy man on desert island has written in the sand 'Help!! Need make grooming products.'

'Do I get credit for car wash?'

'If this prescription doesn't help, go to Maggie Brown's party next week. There'll be a specialist there.'