Cheapskate Humorist Gifts

'Your House Wines seem rather pricey - d'you have any Bungalow Wines?'

"For a little extra we could have got Giotto."

Thrift: Get back at the mafia and eat the free horse's head.

"You're thirty minutes late. Does that mean I get it for free?"

"I've made a fortune and never used my own money. Hey, can you spare a buck?"

"'Less is more' doesn't apply to allowances!"

Sen. Krupt. I don't tell constituents that we're fueling inflation. I say we're protecting consumers and thanks to us they won't have to worry about buying any cheap stuff.

'It appears he hit an iceberg.' (A LETTUCE)

"We're never going to resolve this if you won't get your own sword."

Orchestra Class Air Guitar.

Restaurant. One thing you can still get for a single dollar is the waiter's opinion of you.

Man in Therapist office sees a sign: Therapy Is Expensive Bubble Wrap Is Cheap You Decide

This year Mike decides to make his own Valentine's cards.

The contract was not worth the paper it was written on, which considering the paper was not a good sign.

"Is that neat whisky?"

Budget reaction.

'Sharing the petrol costs didn't bother me, but I resent having to pay half for the condoms!'

'Drive-ins are so expensive...this is much better than a drive in.'

"Have you ever licked cream off a woman's body?"

'The next phase in which we carve the stones ornately will cost a little more than the previous ones.'

Budget Opticians.

"Sorry about the disguise.But we've had to reduce our budget for the 'witness protection programme'."

"Since when did they start putting perfume in aerosol cans?"

Sod orf, midges...

"But Kevin, why can't we have a proper jacuzzi like next door?"

"Believe me, you're not the first person who thought they were getting a deal by buying generic."

Harper's Cat Speaks: 'To whom it may concern: I will be cutting down on kitty treats.'

Easter Island

"Can I have another free biscuit for my dog?"

One of Faust's lesser-known bargains.

Football Fantasies

'Yes, that IS a lot of money for just a spay...

'Here. Drink this till I'm hot.'

'The x-rays are conclusive. We found some extra money hidden in the secret compartment of your wallet.'

'I'm afraid the Christmas party has been cancelled on cost grounds...but the good news is that the boss has said you can still come in and photocopy your bottoms!'