Cheapskate Humorist Gifts

'Your House Wines seem rather pricey - d'you have any Bungalow Wines?'

"For a little extra we could have got Giotto."

Thrift: Get back at the mafia and eat the free horse's head.

"You're thirty minutes late. Does that mean I get it for free?"

"I've made a fortune and never used my own money. Hey, can you spare a buck?"

"'Less is more' doesn't apply to allowances!"

'It appears he hit an iceberg.' (A LETTUCE)

"We're never going to resolve this if you won't get your own sword."

Orchestra Class Air Guitar.

Man in Therapist office sees a sign: Therapy Is Expensive Bubble Wrap Is Cheap You Decide

This year Mike decides to make his own Valentine's cards.

The contract was not worth the paper it was written on, which considering the paper was not a good sign.

"Is that neat whisky?"

Budget reaction.

'Sharing the petrol costs didn't bother me, but I resent having to pay half for the condoms!'

"Have you ever licked cream off a woman's body?"

'Drive-ins are so expensive...this is much better than a drive in.'

'The next phase in which we carve the stones ornately will cost a little more than the previous ones.'

Sod orf, midges...

"Sorry about the disguise.But we've had to reduce our budget for the 'witness protection programme'."

Budget Opticians.

"But Kevin, why can't we have a proper jacuzzi like next door?"

Easter Island

"Believe me, you're not the first person who thought they were getting a deal by buying generic."

"Can I have another free biscuit for my dog?"

Harper's Cat Speaks: 'To whom it may concern: I will be cutting down on kitty treats.'

One of Faust's lesser-known bargains.

'The x-rays are conclusive. We found some extra money hidden in the secret compartment of your wallet.'

Football Fantasies

'Yes, that IS a lot of money for just a spay...

'I'm afraid the Christmas party has been cancelled on cost grounds...but the good news is that the boss has said you can still come in and photocopy your bottoms!'

IRS, 'Try to be a little more prompt with your return next year, sir -- We almost ran out of welfare money!'

"... Oh, he's the fastest in the west alright... The fastest out of the saloon when it's his round!"

"Do you wash your plums?"

"Hullo, 'Railtrack' here, we're thinking of organising a few drinks at your place..."