Chatty Critic Pillows

"Do you have any of those books that understand men?"

"Don't even interact with him. He just likes to say 'Kalamazoo.'"

"She's in a conversationally induced coma."

"Idea?" "No. Just a light bulb."

Remember my mum? I took that photo a week before she died. There's one of me...that was a good haircut.

"I love it when your eyes blaze like that; you remind me of Moses."

'Too pricey? Perhaps you wish to see something in macaroni and spray paint?'

Ranked Voting in N.Y.C.

Crow and fox

"Darling, do you ever worry that we're becoming some sort of Merchant-Ivory production?"

'My dentist recommended it.'

"Are we ‘still working’? No, we’re still eating. You, however, are ‘still working’—now get lost!"

LEMONADE, 'Actually, I hate places like this.'

Jokes machine.

"Do excuse me, I've got a nuttiness allergy."

The Algonquin Round Table

"I always know what Harry's going to say, and he always knows what I'm going to say, so, by and large, we just don't bother."

"So, what is your star sign?"

Bat out of Hell

'The bar association barred me from going before the bar...So I came to a bar.'

"Virginia Woolf meets 'Car Talk.'"

"Tell her I'm exercising my twenty-first amendment rights."

"Have you ever licked cream off a woman's body?"

Mom's Mortuary

"This conversation is being performed in front of a live audience."

"Try the fish. It's brain food"

'My favorite position? Chairperson of the Board.'

"I don't think you can claim that Martin Amis plaguerised your work just because you both used the words 'to','if' and 'but' on page 46."

Plug: ' OHHH, Baby Baby.'